It’s not the most pleasant thought in my mind, to return to work after a long, pleasant weekend. A big meal, off of which The Wife and I ate for two days and of which there is still a little bit more to go; lazy days watching movies and goofing off on the computer; and today, visiting my relative and taking a good 2.1 mile walk on an unusually warm November day. A good weekend.
I’m not expecting a good week at work. The Great Man is supposed to be trying a case; whether this will actually happen or not is a very good question. In all of my previous jobs as an attorney, the end grew near when I felt a sense of foreboding and anxiety as I approached my workplace, and a sense of frustration and impotence when actually there, as though nothing I did mattered to anyone. For a long time, I didn’t have that back at my own firm, but I’ve sure got it now at The Law Office Of The Great Man.
It is evident to me that my contributions to the firm are not so much wanted and appreciated as they are tolerated, at least until something or someone more suitable for The Great Man’s purposes comes along. And that may not be the case for much longer anyway. I’m reasonably certain that, having decided to relocate his office to space he unwisely rented in West Knoxville a couple years ago, I will not be making that move. So maybe I have until January 31, 2006. Maybe less. In any event, I admit I’ve not tried very hard to conceal my attitude of doom and gloom at the office and I will probably not be able to do so even if I were to want to. You walk around with a noose around your neck long enough, it’ll start to affect your attitude as well.
Well, on the plus side, my fantasy football team has done pretty well again this weekend; so that’s a plus. The Flying Spaghetti Monsters have been in the lead for nine straight weeks now and there’s five weeks left in the regular season. I have cause to be optimistic there. It may be sad to think that I’ve only got fantasy football to look forward to, and the fact is that I don’t. The apparently inevitable job switch will inevitably result in me being more happy than I am, although I do not relish the thought of going through that very much. The new house will be good, too. I am looking forward to that. I’ve got The Wife and our critters around me, we’ve made some friends here in Tennessee, and if worse comes to worse there is an option in California to fall back on.
I need to remember that I do have options and I don’t have to put up with mind f*cks. I need to remember that I am a good lawyer and I will be an asset to whatever firm or employer winds up realizing that; while The Great Man seems to have lost sight of that fact, others will not. And, of course, I need to remember that I’ve got a great support network of people around me. So when I tell myself that it’s not so bad as I fear tomorrow, on my way in to the office, I should believe it and take the whole situation with a grain of salt and a sense of humor — gallows humor, perhaps, but humor nonetheless.
The real test, of course, is not what I write tonight but what actually happens tomorrow.