“Of course I’m not saying that Mark is gay,” [Ms.] Sanford said, “but he may as well be. The moral decay in this country has claimed another victim and this time it was my family. Our marriage was perfect until these laws started passing around the country. Clearly the slow dissolution of the sanctity of marriage in America seeped into Mark’s psyche until he no longer felt compelled to abide by our vows.”
Social conservatives were quick to show their support for the first lady’s statement.
“It’s finally happened,” said Rush Limbaugh, conservative radio personality. “America, I’ve been warning you for years that gay marriage would destroy the American family and look… there they are, a husband, wife, and four children — destroyed. When is this going to stop America? When will the liberals be satisfied? When all the marriages break up? This wasn’t Mark Sanford’s fault, this was Ted Kennedy’s fault. Sanford didn’t cheapen the value of marriage, he was victimized by the cheapening of marriage.”
IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO THE OBTUSE FOLLOWS, HIGHLIGHT TO READ: It’s not from The Onion but yes, the linked article is actually a deliciously deadpan parody and therefore, in its own subversive way, even funnier than the venerable Madison humor institution that consistently puts the Harvard Lampoon to shame. This is a joke, but do you doubt for even a nanosecond that there are actually people who would seriously believe this if they were told it?