On the Huffington Post, we now read that Senator-Elect Scott Brown (R-MA)’s wife Gail Hoff is a very attractive woman. How attractive is she? She’s so attractive, she was cast in a truly awful music video from some bland 80’s Europop group that did a song called “The Girl With The Curious Hand” in which the then-single future-Mrs.-Senator-Brown suggestively squeezes a tube of suntan lotion while looking tartly at the camera.
I suppose the sugestion from this leftist agitprop land is that apparently Gail Hoff uses her hand to perform a particular kind of sex act on her husband from time to time. With the implied coda, “…the slut.”
Apparently because a good-looking woman made a goofy music video twenty-five years ago and went on to marry a guy who got elected to a half term in the U.S. Senate, we are now supposed to once again have some kind of a national dialogue about other people having sex, and watch our talking heads compete for the most ostentatious displays of alternating prudishness and prurience, and reach some sort of uncomfortable accord concerning women playfully jerking their husbands off, the way we did with oral sex during the Bill Clinton impeachment. Are dozens of women going to take to the airwaves, chins held high and shoulders held back, loudly saying “I like to burp my husband’s worm and I’m proud to do it!” and have parents facing awkward moments with their kids when they ask about what it means to diddle a dude’s ding-dong?
Because I’d frankly rather skip all that. If we must mention this at all, a throwaway joke or two from Jimmy Kimmel will suffice.
Oh, I have so many questions about this, starting with: Who cares? This is supposed to somehow embarass or discredit either Senator Brown or his wife? Really? Is this supposed to somehow be playing political hard ball? This is the progressives’ revenge for Brown getting elected to what was once but is no longer Teddy Kennedy’s seat? What on Earth is the Huffington Post doing even bothering with this tripe? Haven’t they demeaned themselves enough as it is?
So, thanks to the Huffington Post, the entire world now knows that an attractive member of the United States Congress and his attractive wife possibly might enjoy privately engaging in a healthy, harmless, and consensual sex act. Which is entirely different from the old way of doing things, which was to choose unattractive Members of Congress, and then observe the consequences when they somewhat more publicly enjoyed sex acts of questionable consensuality and varying degrees of harmfulness. I officially pronounce that state of affairs to be “not a scandal” and instruct you to complete your hand job-related jokes immediately, and then return in an orderly fashion to the soul-deadening and interminable debate over health care reform.