Does Romney Have Offshore Accounts On Another Planet?

Is Romney actually an alien with super powers? I'm only asking questions here…

This would explain so much: Romney doesn’t want to release his tax records because he’s hiding money in an off-planet bank account on the planet Zorkon (or something to that effect.)

He’s actually an alien that just looks a lot like a human – think Superman but LDS. Newt Gingrich is his Kryptonite (or Zorkonite or whatever) and instead of a cape, super strength, and flight, Romney has the super power of taking large, struggling companies and devouring them, sucking out their last remaining resources, and then spitting out their bones.

It makes sense to me – at least as much sense as the GOP nominating a guy who basically came up with Obamacare just two short years after the Tea Party craze brought a whole new batch of crazy to Washington, D.C.

Am I missing something here?

(P.S. No, I’m not accusing Romney of being an alien. I’m only asking a question…)

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Erik Kain

Erik writes about video games at Forbes and politics at Mother Jones. He's the editor of The League though he hasn't written much here lately. He can be found occasionally composing 140 character cultural analysis on Twitter.