When you live in an area, you get to know the local stores and businesses. You learn where to shop for groceries, where to get your dry cleaning done, who serves decent coffee, etc. If you were to ask me for a recommendation about where to order carry-out or buy a quirky Christmas gift in any of the locations where I have lived over the past several years, I’d be happy to give you some suggestions. We tend to remember the places we like.
At various points lived in proximity to a couple of different hair salons into which I have never set foot. One was called “Tangles,” and the other was called “Split Endz.” (They were not in the same area, and a quick Google search confirms that there are enough salons with these names in the country as to make this little factoid insufficient to nail down where I used to live. For all of you who are just desperate to track me down.) I have no idea how good either of these salons were. No, the reason they both stuck in my mind is that those are terrible names for a hair salon. Why on earth would you name your business for the problem it ostensibly exists to fix? (I also have a special antipathy for anyone who uses a “Z” to indicate a plural noun. *shudders*) It’s like naming a skincare boutique “Blemishes.” It makes no sense to me. And yet, it seems many haircare emporiums nationwide have found success with just those names.
It’s not just local businesses that succeed despite awful names. It’s also major chains. In particular, I find the popularity of “barn” as a name for retail stores confusing. To me, “Pottery Barn” reads more like a place to store old flowerpots than where you’d look for whimsical holiday cocktail glasses. But that’s nothing compared to “dressbarn,” an apparently successful purveyor of clothing for women. Who green-lit that name? I can’t imagine trying to pitch it to investors:
“So, guys. Imagine a reasonably-priced store for women. We’ll have dresses. Maybe some accessories. Shoes, bags, blah blah blah. You get the idea. Here’s the kicker — we’ll name it after something usually associated with livestock. Women love to be associated with livestock. It’s gonna be huge!”
I… would not have brought out my checkbook for that. And I guess I would have been wrong.
So that’s this week’s question — what vendors, businesses, brands have succeeded despite an inexplicably odd or outright bad name? It can be something local to you, or something that crosses the country. Heck, if you can think of a person who’s made the most of a lousy moniker, feel free to mention him or her. Who or what underlines the question “What’s in a name?”
A economics professor from UC San Diego was vastly irritated that his conferences with students were completely occupied with naming the company, and much less with such mundane aspects of commerce as raising capital, developing a business model, and the like.
It came time for his sabbatical, and he took the year off to do business consulting. To prove his point, he named his consultancy “Amalgamated Urine.”
Needless to say, he didn’t do well.
Still, one has to admire his commitment to principle.
“With a name like Smuckers, you know it has to be good”
Pen Island, which doesn’t use a hyphen in its url, is still in business on the net.
*wipes tears of mirth from eyes*
This subject came up, many years ago, over the water cooler at Sears Roebuck. I was reworking a system for corporate PR there. Sears was then spinning off many of its acquisitions over the years: Dean Witter, Allstate, Coldwell Banker, Discover Card.
Even then, Sears was labouring under its stodgy brand. The 1970s and 80s had not been years of innovation at Sears. Now desperately trying to regain credibility in soft goods, Sears was contemplating how it might bring fickle style-conscious women and young people back into the stores.
One of the women who worked in PR thought part of the reason outfits like Anthropologie and Banana Republic were doing so well was because they presented the retailer as a purveyor of primitive lifestyle. By using names with Barn and Warehouse, the retailer was thus avoiding the overtones of big-markup retailers. Car dealers have always worked the crazy angle, ‘look at our dumb outfits, our cheezy marketing campaigns, come on in and take advantage of our dumbness.”
Around here, it’s an outfit called the Wood Shed, grandly styling themselves “Home of the Amish”, though no Amish actually work there. The Amish woodworkers I know hate them, for half the stuff in the Wood Shed is made in China.
By using names with Barn and Warehouse, the retailer was thus avoiding the overtones of big-markup retailers.
Hmmm. That actually makes a kind of sense. I still think naming a purveyor of women’s wear after a place where one finds cows is weird branding, but that’s just me.
Having raised two daughters, it’s been my observation women love to find bargains. Jewelry is a bit different, they don’t mind going to an upscale jeweler. Purses, ditto.
But an upscale clothes retailer, everyone ought to know by now the same rag you can get at some chi-chi boutique is available at the Barns and Warehouses, same workmanship, often the same fabric. Online is doing even better: Ideeli is making a nice dollar on discounted high-end goods. Zappos knocked ’em dead with first-rate service and rock-bottom prices. Dumb names, great prices.
I’m going to add shoes to your list of things that are worth spending the money on. I think it works in clusters though. Some women will pay a ton of money for a handbag some won’t. What ever is most important to the lady, that’s where she puts her money.
I always thought TGI Fridays was a weird name. It suggests the place is only open one day a week, and yet people go there for Sunday lunch.
And let’s face it, “Wal Mart” is not exactly a Madison Avenue marketing consultant’s dream retail name.
Apropos of Holsteins, I once had a friend who’d been her county’s Holstein Queen. I accidentally referred to her as the heifer queen one time. The meaning of the term really isn’t that different, but the reaction sure as heck was.
If I were a better person, this would not have made me giggle quite so hard.
A friend of Iowa told me his town had “Pork Queens.”
A friend from Iowa. I have no idea how close he and Iowa really are.
And the Corn Queen as well.
One of the manufacturers of those backscatter machines they use in airports now is called Rapiscan. I’ve always found that a little too suggestive.
I went to a movie last night, as the credits rolled, I noticed that one of the crew members had the surname “Raper.”
We have been graced with “canola” oil because the people who marketed it decided that “rapeseed oil” (which is what it really is) would probably sell poorly. Hence, “canola.”
I know a Miss Hooker and a Mrs. Crapper.
I have another one, but it’s a person’s last name, and it’s uncommon enough that googling turns him/her up instantly. I’ll just say that this is a delightful human being who has done a great deal to make my life materially better than it would have been otherwise, and his/her last name is basically a racial slur.
As curious as this makes me, I will probably refrain from Googling random racial slurs to find him/her.
Along these lines, there’s an RV dealer named Tom Raper. I assume (hope) his business has thrived despite the name, rather than because of it. Personally, I wouldn’t have had the courage, and would have created a fictional business name (maybe something like “Unpainted Arizona,” because “who’d buy furniture from Unpainted Huffheinz?”)
There’s a place near my hometown called “The Fabulous Bagel Boys.” Who knew the popularity of that movie would ever wane? Along the same lines, “Cheeburger Cheeburger,” which I gather is a chain.
There is a meat purveyor near me, don’t know if it’s nationwide. But the truck has a cartoon cow, chicken, and lobster, with their arms around each other, grinning. I always think that if one is in the dead animal business, cutesy versions of the live animal serve as a bit of a contrast one may not want to raise in a customer’s mind.
Come to think of it, I remember a bagel shop called “Three Dumb Guys.”
Sort of like a Two Einsteins without the intellect, I suppose.
Dykes Lumber Factory. SOOOO many directions you can go, especially since most folks (including myself) don’t know if it is pronounced like the lesbian slur or the male anatomy.
Back in Missouri, I once went for a long drive to attend an outreach clinic with a group of geneticists. As we drove along, we passed a massive building with the name “Fag Bearings” on the side.
I insisted on getting out and having my picture taken with it, as though I were trying to figure out where I was.
The Gay Construction Co. is a big outfit out of Jacksonville.
I don’t think that’s where the guy from the Village People was from though.
Orgs of a conservative bent frequently have shindings at Opryland or National Harbor (just outside DC). Due to the current corporate owners you can thus often see a photo of a conservative speaker with “Gaylord” embalzoned on the podium in front of him.
True story–I knew a lesbian bike messenger who started her own company called Lickety Split Messenger Service.
I have to assume it’s the one that refers to wood.
If we’re including name, I’ve always thought winning a national election with the name “Barack Obama” was kind of beating the odds.
Plus the “Hussein” part.
Also, I always thought the name Hooters so lacked subtlety that it’s success has always surprised me. Along the same lines we had a Chinese restaurant that was staple in our downtown are for over 40 years named Hung Far Low. And on a chain scale, I’ve never understood the appeal of tacking on Shack, Barrel or Factory.
I’ve never understood the appeal of tacking on Shack, Barrel or Factory.
Could it be part of America’s tendency toward anti-elitism?
In the case of “shack”, I get the appeal instantly. A chicken shack sounds like the kind of place where you’d spend a couple bucks and eat the best, greasiest chicken you’ve ever had in your life.
A chicken factory sounds horrifying.
A chicken factory sounds horrifying.
I now must try to stifle my chuckling before going in to see my next patient.
Ditto a cheesecake factory. Cheesecake from a factory is not cheesecake you want to eat.
At least, not in small portions.
Hooters is like Vegas, writ small. It has that same kind of brazen, “look, let’s all just be honest about why we’re here” appeal. (I would assume. I’ve never actually been.)
And I’m right there with you about those last few. (I also question whether crackers are really best stored in barrels.) “Cheesecake Factory” is another head-scratcher. I suppose there’s that same kind of admirable honesty with being up-front that your food is mass-produced, but I would never have expected it to be the culinary juggernaut it’s become based on that name.
You do have the ladies in the shirts and the shorts, but it’s otherwise a pretty calm place. Sports on the TV, guys sitting around eating wings and drinking domestic beers. Modulo the parts that make me feel slightly (but only slightly) icky, Hooters is a nice time if it’s the kind of time you’re looking to have. Virtually nothing about Vegas is “nice”, no matter what kind of time you’re looking to have.
On the CF, as Ezra Klein has documented, the reason for their success is that their food is an almost pitch-perfect instance of mass appeal. Their menu is like 20 pages long, contains anything you could possibly want, and most of the stuff has been engineered (in a factory?) to trigger all of the latent “food good, fire bad” switches in your brain. Plus, I assume everyone loves the idea of going into a place and standing in front of a glass cabinet with 25 different kinds of cheesecake in it.
There are always a ton of unattractive (not that I’m judging) female diners when I go to Hooters.
It’s funny, but I think you just hit on why I found the idea of a Vegas Hooters Casino so weird. Sure part of it was the idea that it was a Hooters casino. But now that I’m thinking about it, isn’t a waitress in a Hooters shirt a little schoolmarmy for Vegas? (“I’m tired of going to places where the waitresses look like strippers. Let’s head over to Hooters where we don’t have to objectify them.”
My sister once came to visit, with her three children–then aged two to ten–in tow, and suggested that we all go to Hooters for lunch. Evidently, she thought the name related only to the owl on their logo.
(Mouth agape in astonishment. As much as it was when learning about Pen Island.)
There’s a Chinese restaurant nearby called “Hunan First”, because nothing says quality food like Abbot and Costello.
At least it doesn’t say “Human First”…
“We’ll have the Mu Shu (wink) ‘Pork'”.
There used to be a resturant near my apt in NYC called Sing Fat, which I always enjoyed. And once, we pulled off the main highway in some reasonably desolate place in Florida, and there was a restuarant called (Lord forgive me for even repeating this) Takee Outee.
There used to be a restaurant in Truckee (near Lake Tahoe) whose motto, proudly displayed on their menus and roof sign, was “Great Grub and Booze!”
On the way from Boston to New Hampshire was a famous billboard “Eat Here and Get Gas”
And there’s a local Szechuan whose menu places a red pepper icon next to some of the dished. At the bottom is the legend:
(red pepper icon) : mean hot and spicy.
I love signs that mistake quotes for something that indicates. A restaurant that used to be down the road stated…
Stop “here” for the “best” pulled “pork” in “town”.
Apparently they wanted me to go somewhere else for shitty tofu in an unsettled land.
> “Great Grub and Booze!”
I’ve eaten there.
No one’s going to believe me, but when I lived in Tujunga, there was a Thai Restaurant in my neighborhood called “Poo Ping Palace.” The business name was so bad that they were once featured in Forbes.
http://lolvirgin.com/wp-content/uploads/Poo-Ping-place.jpg
Come to think of it, there was a Thai place nearby called “The Thai Place”. What is it about Asian food and Bud and Lou?
CRAZY EDDIE! HIS PRICES ARE IN! SANE!
I knew someone who worked for that guy, once!
Great post for those of us who really miss Andy Rooney.
Look, man. I see a niche, and I go for it.
“Ever notice how ridiculous my eyebrows are?”
There was a store in San Jose called “Linoleum Dicks”. I have no idea if this is true, but someone told me that a “dick”, in construction parlance, was what they called the guys who laid linoleum.
Hah! “Laid!” Double-double-entendre!
It’s not terribly hilarious but we have the discount club BJ’s (yes we’re members, natch).
The women’s apparel outlet I never understood was Fashion Bug.
We also are members at Beej’s.
Kum n Go, no lie its a gas station convenience store chain. I can’t attach a picture but there is a hilarious ad for employment it reads “Join our team, Kum & Go, click here to search and apply for an opportunity near you!” Just makes me want to take a shower.
I remember seeing those all over on a drive to Kansas City and spending the entire trip making Kum n’ Go jokes with my friends.
I’m going to have to go with “Big Dick’s Halfway Inn.”
Charge by the hour?
It’s actually a popular resort place down by Lake of the Ozarks.
http://www.texaschapbookpress.com/magellanslog74/photos/bigdickshalfwayinn.jpg
Hooker’s Beaver Tails.
(I think they just go by Beaver Tails now.)
Reminds me of a middle school in Colorado, in Penrose.
Their team is the PMS Beavers, and of course their colors are red.
Fantastic.
It reminds me of the town of Dildo, Newfoundland.
And now that I’m on that track, also Swastika, Ontario.
I don’t even want to know what Dildo’s team colors are.
A Chinese place in L.A. was called “King Bowel.” As it turned out, they failed the County health inspection. Imagine that.
King Bowel does sound like something you’d see a doctor for.
Not too strange by themselves, but these two businesses have their signs next to each other (even in the same colour and font!)
“Hair and Beauty” right next to “Injury and Suffering” (lawyers)
Reminds me of a place in Kansas City.
There’s a strip club with a massage parlor next to it.
On the corner next to the massage parlor is a bridal gown place.
The state oil & natural gas company out here had a campaign going a few years ago for whatever PR purpose (I can’t remember now), however when translated to English it said:
DONG – we do more with less!
(Danish Oil and Natural Gas)