Ahistoricity!

(Note to those who are uninterested in Assassin’s Creed III but interested in the Official Mindless Diversions GOTY For I Can’t Believe It’s 2012: I announce it at the end of the post.)

I have started playing Assassin’s Creed III.

Have you played Assassin’s Creed and/or Assassin’s Creed II? If you haven’t, you should know that they’re pretty much swashbuckling good times that involve free running, fluid combat, and a bats-crazy storyline involving a conspiracy between the Templars and the Assassins that is nutty enough to share a stage with the Illuminatus Trilogy. Here’s the gist: you’re a guy named “Desmond” who is just a bartender… until you get kidnapped and forced into a machine that allows you to activate the genetic memories of your ancestors (here’s the conceit: if you die in the game, you’re actually “desynchronized” with your genetic memory… cute, huh?). In the first game, you jump back into the memories of Altaïr Ibn-La’Ahad, an assassin in a Middle East during the Middle Ages where Damascus is a wet sneeze away from Jerusalem and they’re both a stone’s throw from Acre. In the Assassin’s Creed II games, you play through the memories of Ezio Auditore da Firenze during the Renaissance in a Europe about the size of downtown Colorado Springs. Now, in Assassin’s Creed III, you’re playing the memories of a couple of folks in Revolutionary-era America… and that’s where things start to get… weird.

I don’t know whether it’s because I’ve spent far too much time between the leaves of dry history books when it comes to the American Revolution and between the moist pages of high fantasy books that appropriated (a magic-filled, granted) Middle Ages and/or Renaissance but when I see a Syrian Assassin climb the dome of the rock to get a good look at the surrounding city, it feels like a sweeping romantic gesture that I’m willing to run with. When I see a guy in a tri-corner hat climb the top of a Methodist Church in Boston to do the same thing? It feels… silly. When I see an Italian Assassin in a secret war against the Borgias have a short conversation with Leonardo Da Vinci and then go out on a mission to steal papers describing an ancient artifact, I’m willing to nod and say “go on”… when I see a dude in period boots and breeches have a conversation with Benjamin Franklin before going out to retrieve similar papers? It feels… silly.

Now, it doesn’t feel “you should stop playing this and play something else” silly (well, not yet, anyway) and I haven’t yet gotten to the point in the game where I switch protagonists to Ratonhnhaké:ton (which, I understand, is when things *REALLY* start getting silly) but, so far, I’m finding myself more likely to giggle at the thought of a Revolutionary Assassin engaged in a centuries-old fight against the Templars than sitting on the edge of my seat for it… but, to be honest, as soon as I’m done writing this essay, I’m going to jump back to my 360 and see what happens next.

Oh, and, as promised: XCOM: Enemy Unknown is my game of the year. It is this year’s “Arkham City”. Satisfying story, deep tactics, RPG elements, TURN BASED, and a throwback to one of the 90’s “Greatest Games Of All Time”. If you like tactical boardgames, this game is for you. It’s got different kinds of soldiers to use (assault, support, heavy, sniper), different kinds of enemies that will make you adopt, adapt, and improve your tactics, it’s got a home base that will help you improve the stuff you give your soldiers to help them fight the bad guys, and really, really irritating choices that make you choose not only between two different good things, but two different bad things. The only people that I wouldn’t recommend this game to are people who just don’t play video games in the first place.

Jaybird

Jaybird is Birdmojo on Xbox Live and Jaybirdmojo on Playstation's network. He's been playing consoles since the Atari 2600 and it was Zork that taught him how to touch-type. If you've got a song for Wednesday, a commercial for Saturday, a recommendation for Tuesday, an essay for Monday, or, heck, just a handful a questions, fire off an email to AskJaybird-at-gmail.com

6 Comments

  1. I heartily endorse your GOTY. I haven’t got to Assassin’s Creed 3 yet, but I would probably have to play Brotherhood and Revelations firs tin any case.

    • I very much enjoyed Brotherhood and Revelations, for what it’s worth. My complaints about Assassin’s Creed, such as they are, at this point in the game is that it’s not enough like Brotherhood and/or Revelations.

  2. I’ve seen the ad for AC3. To describe it as “silly” is being kind. VERY, VERY kind!

    • Without straying too much into politics, a game that stokes patriotism is nothing new… but a game that stokes patriotism at the expense of Britain? I’m torn between pointing out that the Royalists had a point and pointing out that a lot of stuff has happened since.

  3. AC games are the kind that I just can’t play. It doesn’t help that this one looks even sillier than the rest.

    I am putting the new XCOM on my list, though. Why doesn’t the official Mindless Diversions GOTY deserve it’s own post?

    • I’ve already kinda posted twice about it. Maybe I’ll write up a full experience post. (It’s definitely going to go into the Christmas Recommendations post!)

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