Just Call Me Poochie

Well, that’s it, folks. I’m outta there. I wrote my exit memo, wrote all my withdrawal motions, briefed The Great Man on all my cases, and took home my ergonomic keyboard. Then I’ll never be spoken of again.

Thinking about what the future of that office will be, I’m reminded of this exchange:

ITCHY: Hi, Poochie. You look like you’ve got something to say. Do you?

POOCHIE: Yes, I certainly do! (Poochie’s mouth stops moving and Meyers’ voice is heard) I have to go now. My planet needs me.

The whole cel with Poochie on it is moved upwards. A screen shows some handwritten text: “Note: Poochie died on the way back to his home planet”. Cut to KRUSTY on stage:

KRUSTY: Poochie’s dead! (laughs) (kids in audience cheer) Well kids, we all know that sometimes when cartoon characters die, they’re back again the very next week. That’s why I’m presenting this sworn affidavit that Poochie will never, ever, ever return!

Cut to the kids watching television.

BART: Wow, Poochie came from another planet?

LISA: Uh, I guess…

It’s quite likely that after my departure today I will be persona non grata at The Law Office of the Great Man, despite the fact that I’ve made some good friends there. Still, I got a very nice letter of reference and at least I’m now free from the chaos. Even today I had to listen to a half-hour diatribe about chelation.

I feel an odd sense of calm about the whole thing. It’s been coming for a long time and I have a quiet confidence that things will wind up working out for the best. I’m sad to see some clients go, but I’m looking forward to having more control over my own life and schedule, and less randomness. Hopefully I can find some work in the near future and get some cash flowing in to the happy homestead. Tomorrow there are errands to run in the morning and who knows what in the afternoon. Maybe this is a better way for me to be.

Burt Likko

Pseudonymous Portlander. Homebrewer. Atheist. Recovering litigator. Recovering Republican. Recovering Catholic. Recovering divorcé. Recovering Former Editor-in-Chief of Ordinary Times. House Likko's Words: Scite Verum. Colite Iusticia. Vivere Con Gaudium.

One Comment

  1. Wow, that’s pretty good, if a law firm actually never mentions you again. Usually, the departed attorney gets blamed for everything that goes wrong for the next 3 months. When that time expires, a new scapegoat is needed. So, if someone hasn’t already planned to leave on questionable terms (and not for a higher-status job), there can be a nasty surprise for the next-least-popular person. Sometimes, an outright canning; other times, a slow, torturous death. If truly no one is expendable, they will hire someone new (briefly) as a last-resort scapegoat. Who do you think it’ll be at LFGM?

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