Get Real People

The linked article is about Brits, but the phenomenon is happening here in the States, too — weddings are becoming out of control expensive and elaborate. Enough so that couples are delaying getting married so that they can get all the money they need to put on the show. Where on earth did this ethic come from? (Don’t answer that, I already know. It was the Romans, damn their eyes.)

Seriously — what’s more important, the wedding or the marriage? The wedding is a party. It lasts a day. (Maybe more than that.) In the UK, people rent castles and manor houses and have fireworks displays. I’m sure here in the States there are fireworks and orchestras and instead of castles, people rent wineries or the Hollywood Bowl or some crap like that, so you can get married in front of 100,000 of your closest friends and then have to pay to feed them all.

Hey, go ahead and invite me and The Wife to your wedding. We’ll go. We’ll sit through the ceremony and make nice at the dinner you buy for us and we’ll send you a nice gift. Spend all you want. But we still think we did the right thing with our wedding. Vegas. Low stress planning it, you just pick up the phone and paid professionals do all the work for you. more than enough accommodations for everyone as long as you don’t feel the need to get married during the NCAA Final Four weekend. You just invite the people you want because they’ll all actually go, and moreover, it’s pretty much equally inconvenient for everyone to go there so it’s in that way very democratic for all of your guests. The banquet food from the casino-hotel kitchens is more than good enough; no one’s going to remember the food anyway. You can have a tasteful ceremony so you aren’t stuck with blackjack dealers on their cigarette breaks for your witnesses. Four hours is plenty of time for a reception. Relatively affordable prices (even then, we still needed some help, so thanks Mom and Dad). None of this nonsense about getting hot-air balloons to drop off the bride at the start of the ceremony or the groom riding up wearing a coat of armor.

And, a very interesting anthropological experience waiting in line at City Hall to get your license.

Burt Likko

Pseudonymous Portlander. Homebrewer. Atheist. Recovering litigator. Recovering Republican. Recovering Catholic. Recovering divorcé. Recovering Former Editor-in-Chief of Ordinary Times. House Likko's Words: Scite Verum. Colite Iusticia. Vivere Con Gaudium.