Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes Sells Some Strange Stuff

So we got our entry for the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes. Mostly, this contains a tremendous amount of advertisements for a tremendous amount of crap that no one wants and a tremendous number of magazines that you are unlikely to want to read. And if you want to enter the sweepstakes without actually buying any of this crap, the entry form still makes you have to pick something from the approximately fifty slips of filmy, slick paper advertising all of this crap and say that if you were going to buy something, this would be it. Naturally, my eye was attracted to the inserts pictured to the left.

Hmm. Thinly-disguised “instructional” pornography, or eighteen ounces of pomegrante-flavored jelly beans. Both available for the same price of $15.96 (plus S&H). If I were going to buy something from Publishers Clearing House in exchange for the infinitesimal chance of winning one of their fantastic prizes, which of the two would I pick?

Notice how it appears you can get these things for only $3.99 each. That’s until you read that it’s “4 easy payments” of $3.99 for your product selection. Which makes me ask myself — “Self, do I really need to buy jelly beans on credit?” Ah, but I still haven’t revealed whether I picked the jelly beans or the DVD.

Well, seeing as a human being (specifically our postal carrier) is going to be inspecting the results of this choice, of course I picked the jelly beans. But just think of how interesting our mail could have been otherwise. Who knows, maybe we’ll get both! What kind of demographic choices pop up on marketing computers when you order both porno and candy at the same time?

Burt Likko

Pseudonymous Portlander. Homebrewer. Atheist. Recovering litigator. Recovering Republican. Recovering Catholic. Recovering divorcé. Recovering Former Editor-in-Chief of Ordinary Times. House Likko's Words: Scite Verum. Colite Iusticia. Vivere Con Gaudium.


  1. Off topic, but have you seen your favored presidential candidate, Governor Sanford? Everybody's looking for him.

  2. It's entirely possible that Gov. Sanford is in a hotel room just over the border in Savannah holed up with a DVD and eighteen ounces of pomegranate-flavored jelly beans.

  3. He's hiking? Now I'm definitely not voting for him. He owed us something more interesting than that.

  4. Dude: It now turns out he was "hiking" the Appalachian trail on "naked hiking day."So I take it back> maybe I could vote for him.

  5. Gee, I wonder if a political opponent could use any of this to craft an attack ad?

  6. "Dance the Sanford Tango" could become the new catchphrase for an act of spectacular political self-immolation. It doesn't have quite the tawdriness of "Assume a wide stance," though.Perhaps President Palin will appoint him ambassador to Argentina in exchange for his endorsement.

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