Get a grip, Mr. Aravosis

Friends in the LGBT equality movement, let’s take a minute to right-size our perspective, shall we?

We have made tremendous strides in the past few years.  It’s gotten to the point that three states legalizing marriage equality in the past couple of weeks has barely made a ripple in the national news.  Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell is dead.  A major league athlete has finally come out, and the President of the United States praised him publicly for doing so.  While the work certainly isn’t done, we have much to be genuinely joyful about.

One of the areas where there is still work to be done is with regard to immigration.  Currently, same-sex couples comprising an American citizen and a foreign national cannot get the latter legal resident status based on the former’s citizenship, unlike with straight couples.  This is unjust, of course, and it is rightly something we should work to correct.

So I can understand John Aravosis’s frustration when a provision in the immigration reform bill slogging its way through Congress that would have fixed the problem was killed the other day.  It is genuinely disappointing to have legal protection of same-sex binational couples jettisoned so rapidly.  On the other hand, immigration reform is going to be a very difficult issue to get any GOP support for, and I imagine such legal protections would make an unpalatable piece of legislation totally poisonous.  It sucks, but something something sausage-making.

I would understand if Mr. Aravosis wanted to call the Democrats who went along with stripping the protections for same-sex binational couples spineless cowards.  I would disagree, but I’d understand.  Call them lily-livered poltroons or craven political calculators or whatever.  Vent some spleen.  Fine.

But this is just too much:

And what happened during the Senate committee mark-up yesterday?  Durbin and Franken both used the 267,000 figure to justify dropping UAFA.  Political homophobia became homophilia, they were bashing us because they loved us. [emphasis wearily added]

That figure is supposedly the number of gay undocumented immigrants living in the United States who would be helped by immigration reform, an effort at spinning the bill as a pro-gay measure even without UAFA (the provision for binational couples).  Yes, it’s weak sauce.  WHAT IT IS NOT IS GAY-BASHING!!!

No.  No, no, no, no.

To squeeze lemon juice all over the lacerations he ladles out in his post, Aravosis festoons it with pictures of Sens. Durbin, Feinstein, Schumer and Franken with the word “Homophobe” written in red above them.  Dianne Feinstein, who cried when she announced that her colleague Harvey Milk had been killed?  Al Franken, who appeared with his wife in an ad opposing a same-sex marriage ban in Minnesota?  Homophobes, the both of them.

Wrong!  Stupid!  Counter-productive!

Homophobia is hating gays and lesbians and being motivated by that hatred to keep us pariahs and second-class citizens.  What it is not is being insufficiently willing to agitate for our cause when there are delicate political considerations in balance. Rick Perry is a homophobeDick Durbin is not.

We are not the Democrats’ only constituency, and our issues cannot always come first.  We must behave like reasonable adults when we are disappointed.  Yes, by all means we should advocate for our rights.  But it serves no purpose whatsoever to call names at the very people who have done the work of advancing our agenda.  Have we forgotten that until very recently it was very politically risky to openly support marriage equality?  Do we think we have become such political winners that we can start crapping all over our friends?

We cannot start crapping all over our friends!  Same-sex marriage is legal in a small (albeit growing) minority of states.  A great many of the remaining states have bans in their very constitutions!  The fat lady has not only not sung, folks, she hasn’t even caught the cab to the theater. And we will win precisely zero arguments by conflating a political setback like the loss of UAFA with outright homophobia and gay-bashing or by confusing our friends with our enemies.

Mr. Aravosis seems to have lost touch with reality a bit.  We’ve come as far as we have by making a case for ourselves that resonated with the population at large.  We’ve demonstrated that we are (and always have been) capable of serving valiantly in the military.  Our friends and families have come to recognize that our relationships are no less deserving of legal protection and societal celebration than their own.  We’ve made progress by doing hard, grown-up work.

We won’t make much more by acting like petulant second-graders.  Lament the loss of same-sex protections in the immigration bill.  Work hard to win those protections.  Call out our supporters if you feel they didn’t try hard enough.  But let’s not lump them in with our enemies.  We shouldn’t give our enemies that kind of help.

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81 thoughts on “Get a grip, Mr. Aravosis

  1. C’mon, Dr. Saunders. As with DADT, this is half a loaf when a whole loaf is needed. No denying it. “Justice too long delayed is justice denied” — MLK, ascribing it to some unnamed jurist but it was probably from Magna Carta: “To no one will we sell, to no one will we refuse or delay, right or justice.”

    Yes, I suppose we must still put up with the goddamn Republicans staving off the inevitable, delaying justice, as we have so many endured their petty spite and wickedness so many times before. We tolerate the immigration of polygamous families with a wink and a nod — but to our own, no such flexibility is afforded them.

    You’re right, I suppose, in saying Aravosis has overstepped. If he has, it’s by blaming the wrong bunch of politicians. At some point, though, the bony finger of condemnation must be pointed at the truly guilty party, the Grand Olde Party.

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    • I’m not saying this is acceptable or that we should all just shrug and say “Well, them’s the brakes.” Keep fighting for UAFA, if not this time around then the next time, by all means!

      But the provision was not pulled because Feinstein et al are homophobes, and labeling them thus is unmitigated bullshit. It is an insult to the victims of actual anti-gay violence to conflate a political loss in an exceptionally dicey fight over a largely unrelated and itself quite inflammatory issue with their suffering. Demanding the inclusion of UAFA even if it means the entire bill dies an inglorious death is making the perfect the enemy of the good, and demanding that our issues must always have primacy in any policy debate that glances against them. It will win us no friends, and possibly create enemies.

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      • The Democrats have not exactly distinguished themselves. I believe the adjective I’m looking for here is Craven. You’re a better, more patient man than I seem to be. Personally, I’m enraged by the Democrats capitulating at every opportunity.

        In the 1970s, the French had a light battle tank, I saw it at the Grafenwoehr training area in what was then West Germany. It had two driver’s compartments: one at each end. That, Dr. Saunders, is the Democratic Party’s paradigm for legislative success: always leaving themselves the option of a high-speed retreat.

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          • Oh, I know, which is why I chose it. But I don’t sense that I’m waxing splenetic in using that adjective. Just calling a spade a spade. The correct naming of things is more important than some people suppose.

            Aravosis says this is HCR all over again. Absolutely right. Speaking only as someone who periodically maintains the rulesets for BCBS health care claims, Obama’s reforms were reduced to a vast Gimme Scheme for the health insurers — perhaps you could enlighten me a bit on how ACA has impacted you. My guess is, it’s still as horrid as ever. We’ve had this discussion before, I know I’m preaching to the choir here. Still, it’s as Aravosis says:

            As you recall, during health care reform (and the stimulus) we were constantly told that Republicans, and conservative Dems, were opposed to the public option, so there was no point in trying to push for it. But the logical fallacy the Democrats faced was that we’d never know how strong the GOP truly opposed the public option, something that polled at 70% favorability, if we didn’t at least try to fight for it. You’d be amazed at the magic a little fight can bring to the table.

            I’m sincerely of the opinion the Democrats did not fight hard enough for LGBT rights, not on this bill. They’re serving up the same sort of watered-down gruel they’ve been doling out for years now: half-o’-this and none-o’-that. We still don’t have LGBT equality and even if this bill had gone down to defeat, a proposition I sincerely doubt, what with the groundswell of outrage now emerging from ordinary people who are sick of such obvious inequality for our fellow LGBT citizens, it wouldn’t feature all these dingleberries of stinking injustice, fetid little lacunae of bigotry.

            Sens. Schumer, Robert Menendez and Dick Durbin convened a conference call with gay rights groups to inform them that the legislation — at least the initial bill — will not include language to address LGBT concerns, a source familiar with the call told POLITICO.

            The bus is right on time and the Democrats have once again deftly pushed their LGBT constituency under that bus — I don’t care how much they blame the GOP for it. They could, at least, have let the Republicans say it.

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          • The distressingly awful part of this, Dr. Saunders, resolves to this fact: the Democrats hope to gain votes for this bill from the GOP by tolerating prejudice against same-sex couples. They won’t get any votes, any more than they got votes for ACA. The President and the Democrats watered down ACA like an evil bartender watering down well whiskey in hopes of getting a few GOP votes. How did that work out?

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  2. It’s easy to make absolutist demands when one isn’t the one who actually has to make the decision.

    The logic here is simple, if unpleasant, for those actually trying to get immigration reform passed. The Democrats preference order is:
    the bill with UAFA > the bill without UAFA > no bill.

    The Republicans preference order is:
    no bill >= the bill without UAFA > bill with UAFA.

    So the Dems’ best outcome is the Republicans’ worst outcome. And the Republicans are in a position to ensure they don’t get their worst outcome, which means they can ensure the Dems don’t get their best outcome.

    So the bill with UAFA is , strategically, off the table. It should no longer be a part of the Dems’ strategic logic. Their only choice now is the bill without UAFA or no bill. If they insist on trying for their best outcome all they’ll do is ensure they achieve their own worst outcome.

    It’s easy to moralize, and condemn them as weak, but to do so ignores the strategic situation.

    In other words, the Doc is right.

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  3. Are we sure that offering immigration preference (or whatever it is) to binational couples is desirable?

    Are sure that the ideal situation is extending this privilege to same-sex couples instead of removing it from opposite sex couples?

    Please note: The answer to either question does not, in any way, justify differentiated treatment of couples based on sexual orientation with regards to this privilege. Whatever route we determine is best out to be applied without regard to sexual orientation.

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    • And for fear of threadjacking, I ask these questions not because I want to turn away from the good doctor’s very excellent point and towards a conversation of the topic at large, but because there might be an alternative motive for some folks: those who want to reform immigration without including special preferences for couples and see UAFA as an expansion of a problem in the name of equity when their preferred course of action might be eliminating that problem altogether.

      I could be dead wrong… but it seems worth considering.

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      • I think you are being too generous to those who oppose UAFA outright. My guess is that their opposition is predicated entirely on not wanting any benefits that seem marriage-life to accrue to same-sex couples, and not at all on any desire to reform immigration laws for opposite-sex married couples.

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        • Russ,

          Allow me to clarify. I’m speaking of Dems who supported the UAFA free bill. Is it possible that at least some of them might prefer to eliminate this privilege entirely? I’m offering it is another alternative to the “homophobic” slurs.

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          • Here’s the thing, Kazzy — I went through the process of naturalising a wife. You see, I married an erstwhile illegal alien. She had to return to Guatemala, then re-enter, this time legally.

            Insofar as the USA recognises a marriage, thus creating a legal category called an “immediate relative” for the spouse, it allows them to apply for a Green Card. (I don’t know why they call it Green Card, it’s not green. ) We’ve now created a situation where we have a two-tier system: marriage is not a sufficient requirement for Immediate Relative status. Previously, it had be a M-F marriage because of DOMA. But DOMA’s been repealed. Why then should US immigration policy enforce a dead law, or through inaction, allow this policy to continue in the absence of any binding statute to that effect?

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            • I do not believe that DOMA has been repealed.

              I’m not actually sure of what immigration law would pertain re: legally-married same-sex couples if SCOTUS scraps DOMA. I would hope that for legally-married couples, they would get the same rights as opposite-sex couples. I suspect UAFA would have more weight for couples living in states without marriage equality.

              But I’m no expert on the law, and would welcome input from someone with more expertise.

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        • Lee,

          I asked that question very, very genuinely. I don’t know what is right. There seems to be an assumption that offering immigration preference to spouses is the right thing to do and, as such, we should extend that to same sex spouses. Which very well might be the right course of action (I’m inclined to think it is, but I don’t know much about immigration law). However, I also don’t like assumptions, so I think it important to examine if that is indeed the preferred route and, if so, how we might go about responding to people who disagree in general with spousal privilege in immigration.

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          • Well, I think the only two other options are (a) open borders, so everybody has the ability to immigrate like spouses, or (b) suggesting people that marry live in the spouse’s country.

            I don’t think many people would advocate for (b). Are there any countries that do this? Excluding countries like maybe North Korea?

            A lot of people (around here, in particular) do advocate for (a), but it’s also not something most countries have as a realistic possibility.

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            • If I were to be in favor of a system that said anyone can immigrate to America provided A) they can document who they are* and B) they can document that they are not actively or recently engaged in criminal activity** and that, upon a set period of time after immigrating (say, 3 years?) during which they comported with all laws, regulations, and expectations, were extended the full rights and responsibilities of citizenship, would that make me an open borders person?

              * I recognize that there are certain countries and/or areas of the world where this is near impossible. In those cases, we’d need to come up with another system to not unfairly prejudice against these people due to their local government’s failures with record keeping.
              ** “Criminal activity” is tricky to define. For instance, I would not bar someone who was wanted in their home country for speaking ill of the government. That might be criminal where they are from but is not criminal here (not yet, at least) and should not be held against them. On the other hand, I wouldn’t bar a stoner from Amsterdam provided he agreed to abide by our drug laws while here.

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            • Couldn’t there also be a c..?

              C. A panel of immigration officers decides if you have an important connection to that immigrant that means you need that person in the U.S. if you are to live with any kind of happiness in the U.S.

              That panel would look at all the evidence that they currently look for with married couple: sworn statements from your friends that you and the immigrant are close, a history of financial ties in bank statements, etc. old pictures, an interview where you talk about how long you’ve known each other, sworn statements to take care of each other financially, etc.

              The devil would be in the detail, but they already have such panels to test to see who really is married and who isn’t, so they could test to see who really is “inseparable friends who live together and need each other” and who isn’t.

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              • Well, yea, until John over there shows up with pictures of him and Chimpo the Monkey opening a bank account together.

                Seriously, as much as I struggle with the idea of the government adjudicating who is and who is not in love, this is better than a discriminatory policy. I think.

                There are many loveless marriages out there, for one reason or another. Why deny gay folks the opportunity to sit coldly in the dark wishing the person next to them was someone else?

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              • Fair enough, Shaz. My fear with that is that it would drag what is already a bureaucratic slog into something worse. I think limiting it to marriage moves things along. But that would be another option. As would simply allowing every citizen to sponsor one single foreign national regardless ofrelationship.

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                • Yeah, that is exactly right. Marriage is a proxy for “need each other.” It’s bureaucraticakk easier to let only married people in, but less fair (and really hard) to allow nontraditional relationships where two people need each other.

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    • Ask yourself: who is the most likely to marry binationally? Is there a group that is a lot more likely to do this than any other?

      I’m guessing that the number one group that marries binationally is… soldiers around the age of “just out of high school” who have been deployed. I’d be surprised if the numbers were such that this group would be a plurality rather than a straight majority.

      As such, the politician who suggested that immigration rule would, effectively, be attacked by opponents for taking a stand against our Armed Forces.

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      • Curiously, I would not make that same guess. But I really don’t know. Most of the service members I know are officers and are experiencing military life (and life in general) very differently than the enlisted.

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        • Well, how’s this? When I did work with my INS Liaison back in the 90’s, she said that the majority of her work was with soldiers. Now, of course, we’ve got 5 military installations within a stone’s throw of where I sit (Peterson, Schriever, Ft. Carson, Cheyenne Mtn, Air Force Academy) and so, sure, that’s probably what she *WOULD* see…

          But I’m guessing that the majority of binational marriages are to a military person anyway. I can’t imagine the Russian Bride folks (to pick another group) would be ahead of them.

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          • Oh, I’m not saying I’m right. But if you posed that question and did not offer your guess, I don’t think I would have made that guess.

            But I’ve been wrong before. Once. September 4, 1997. Weird day.

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              • I’m curious as well. I’d venture to guess that, on the whole, folks involved in binational marriages would skew liberal… but that is based on a number of rather unsavory assumptions and stereotypes.

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                • Well, here are my assumptions. Tell me how wrong/backward they are. Whatever.

                  Americans are most likely to marry someone they hang out with and fool around with. While there might be a handful of “get them over here” arranged marriages between two people who don’t know each other that well, the majority of marriages are between people who do. Or think they do.

                  This means that the most spousal immigrations are going to be from people who spend their unmarried days abroad and there are two groups of people who do that: soldiers and college students who spend a year (or more) abroad.

                  And there are cultural assumptions about marriage made by people who enter the military and there are cultural assumptions about marriage made by people who go to colleges where they are expected to travel abroad. And there is less overlap between these assumptions than you’d think.

                  I realize that, beyond this, the assumptions grow weedier so I’ll stop there.

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                  • My assumptions are far weedier and it is those that I refer to as “unsavory”.

                    Liberals tend to be more open to foreigners. We basically want everyone to be European, right? Meanwhile, conservatives are all pretty jingoistic and/or xenophobic.

                    Meeting someone who lives abroad usually means traveling abroad. That is pricey. Liberals tend to be wealthier than conservatives.

                    A binational marriage is more likely to be interracial, interethnic, or interfaith than a domestic marriage. Well, we know which side of the aisle demonstrates greater comfort with those things.

                    I don’t find your assumptions bothersome at all. It is my own that I am uncomfortable with. But if you simply asked me, point blank, “Which side of the aisle is more likely to engage in a binational marriage?” I would tend to think elite liberals. And those are the reasons why.

                    But, yea, I kinda hope I’m wrong. I hope it is more complicated than that and/or less predictable than that.

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          • It would surprise me if most bi-national marriages were with military. I’d guess it would be recent or 1st gen immigrants marrying people from their old countries or other places. People who already have connections to a foreign country would be most likely find a foreign mate. It’s entirely possible for military folks stationed oversees to avoid meeting any people from the country they are in. i’ve known some who did so. Also in the last 15 years the meetings our military has had with foreign peeps have been less friendly then in the 90’s.

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              • FWIW, most folks in those countries aren’t on “deployment” but rather have their PDS (permanent duty station) there. PDSs typically last 3 to 4 years; deployments are more along the lines of 7-12 months.

                Based on the experiences of Zazzy, her friends, and some of my friends, you are far more likely to meet someone at your PDS (which can be domestic or international… Zazzy was in Bethesda, MD) than during your deployment (which are always international… Zazzy’s was in Kuwait).

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  4. I know how much my life has been improved by me being able to import my Canadian Bride into the US. I like to think that the taxes that both of us have paid since this has happened have paid for the amount of roads that we use and have purchased enough carbon offsets to cover our carbon footprint.

    The thought that other folks shouldn’t be allow to import their life partners is downright maddening.

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  5. Very well said Doc. Al Franken was at Twin Cities gay pride celebrations showing the flag in support of gay rights. I shook his hand, exchanged a few words. He was earnestly supportive and quite determined. Barring a sea change in his behavior and voting Franken has this gay vote and my husbands gay vote for any office he decides to try for. him a homophobe? Idiocy.

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  6. My personal opinion is that immigration reform is going to fail in the House, so whether same sex couples gained the right to file I-130s for foreign partners is irrelevant since everything is going to fail.

    I’m somewhat sympathetic to Aravosis’ arguments since nobody should have to wait on a line for justice.

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    • What’s unjust? One ordinarily cannot acquire immigration preferences for friends. It is implicit in current law that the practice of sodomy does not enhance one’s status or claims. Disappointing to some, but public policy allocates valued things and some games are zero-sum.

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      • Howdy, Art.

        I don’t think you comment over at Blinded Trials much, so I’ve had few interactions with you. But I’m familiar with your body of work. So this is your fair warning that I have absolutely zero compunction about shitcanning comments I think cross a certain line. You are edging just a wee bit close to that line with your comment that reduces same-sex relationships to sodomy, and I would politely suggest that you either back away from it in future comments or (perhaps more wisely) refrain from commenting further in this thread altogether.

        Your chum,
        Russell

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          • I wish to be spoken to without frank derision. Being spoken to dismissively, as you put it, would not trouble me overmuch, particularly given the source in this case. But if you cannot refrain from expressing yourself in baldly derisive terms, then I would hardly lament your departure.

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            • Fair enough, Dave.

              Did you catch this:

              https://ordinary-times.com/burtlikko/2013/05/standing-for-silence/

              You might have caught one of those insipid lawsuits by village atheists concerning graduation prayers or perhaps Nancy Braiman’s campaign against the Greece Town Board in my old neck of the woods (of which I recall passing mention here).

              All of which is to say that collectivities have their pieties. Some people are at home with them and some people are not. Mr. Likko and Ms. Braiman and various and sundry lawfare artists are in favor of librum veto rule, even when they have nothing at stake.

              Now, y0u are all running a discussion forum here. Evidently, there are closed questions in your little open society – something one expects to a degree; there are foundational questions one does not wish to be bothered discussing and in any case it is an empirical regularity in social life. How you all process that is … inneresting.

              A person my age can readily recall a time when homosexuality was not taking up much rent-free space in the public mind – it was just another boutique cause among many – and could even be a subject of comedy (Garrett Morris, Flip Wilson, &c.). That being the case, it is a matter of some (anthropological?) interest that the etiquette of this forum is such that the homosexual population must be treated with the utmost delicacy – something you would not likely accord any other identifiable subculture and certainly not any to which I might be a member. All of this occurs in a cultural matrix where people pretend to respect the voice of the likes of Dan Savage, fearless scourge of evangelical high-school yearbook staff.

              People ask for various and sundry regulatory interventions and public benefits and someone else says how is that justified and why do your problems merit public attention. This is your idea of insupportable discussion? They are, in fact, perfectly banal and ordinary questions to ask about any public policy. You might ask yourself why you have a visceral reaction to someone who offers the opinion that your clientele are not special.

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              • A person my age can readily recall a time when homosexuality was not taking up much rent-free space in the public mind

                I’m of an age to remember. So aren’t my brothers, though the younger one is no longer living; he died of AIDS.

                When I think of that world — having no role models, no public way to talk about who and what they were — I weep. It breaks my heart. That void, also known as ‘the closet,’ might give you some comfort; if it does, that’s a reflection of you humanity.

                Personally, I find it lacking. Because that same void, and the lack of responsible action by Reagan’s administration, added to the grief of thousands of families like mine. Yes; I remember the jokes. The weren’t funny then, they aren’t funny now.

                I’d rather have my brother back, have him grow up in a world that accepts who and what he was. I love him, and I miss him every single day.

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              • You might ask yourself why you have a visceral reaction to someone who offers the opinion that your clientele are not special.

                Mostly because you use language intended to provoke a visceral reaction (which shows you’re kind of an ass)?

                Or… if it’s not intended – if you’re actually surprised that people find some of the things that you say really lacking in courteousness… well, that implies that you can’t be bothered to take the time to understand why, say, a woman might be offended if you told them that their husband was just their c**t buddy.

                In which case you’re not an ass, you’re an enormously self-centered person, instead. In either case, I don’t really have the inclination to spend my time trying to teach you basic courtesy.

                That doesn’t make “our clientele” “special”, it makes them pretty normal. And it makes your behavior not unlike a preteen who says “shit” in the company of his parents’ friends just to provoke a reaction.

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              • A person who treated another social group in a similar way to how you referred to homosexuality would probably get taken to task for it arou d these parts, too. Consider what would happen if an atheist called into question first amendment protections by deriding all religious belief as “magical sky fairy worship.” That’s pretty damn close to boiling a gay marriage wholly down to sodomy.

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      • Husbands, wives and partners are a little different from friends. And the sodomy comment isn’t just offensive, it’s moronic. Would you say that straight couples being allowed preference is be a use the law recognizes “boning?”

        This isn’t quite the “butt buddy” comment you made earlier, but you’re crossing some lines I won’t accept. You want to argue against SSM or its legal implications, be my guest. Doing so in the siggling sophmore fashion you’re choosing not acceptable at this site.

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        • To be contrarian, I’d like to thank Art for being so forthright. He’s a straight out red meat exemplar of the argumentation that is common on the anti-ssm side. Accordingly he’s a monument to why the cause of SSM is advancing so historically quickly. Thanks Art.

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          • I like response, too.

            Think of dogs; they’re pack animals, they like attention. So the dog barks when someone walks in front of your house. “Shut up,” you yell. You’re giving the dog attention. Dog’s happy. Next time someone walks by the house, Dog barks, you yell, “Shut up, Dog,” and the cycle reinforces itself. And soon, every time someone walks by your house, the damned dog barks.

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        • Whenever I read those comments, I think “am I doing it wrong?”

          Because Maribou will tell you that I’m pretty steeped in White Cis-Male Heterosexual Privilege and *I* don’t see the point of marriage as sex. That’s *THERE*, of course… but it’s, like, all the way over there.

          So when White Cis-Male Heterosexuals start talking about the point of marriage is sex, I’m all “dude, what the hell are you talking about?” when, normally, I’m pretty good at the White Cis-Male Heterosexual thing.

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          • For me, marriage is a frank admission I need someone else to keep an eye out for my blind spot, which is enormous. Someone trustworthy, who will tell me the truth. I have my own virtues, few enough I’ll stipulate to anyone, but I’m loyal to a fault and nobody in my shadow has ever lacked for support and kindness.

            “Everyone needs a wife.” I think that’s from Germaine Greer but I’m not sure.

            Good sex is really important. But it’s not the be-all and end-all of a marriage. It’s a reallyreally nice perq, the flower that blooms on the bush of a working relationship, a great comfort and a powerful statement of unity.

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          • “So when White Cis-Male Heterosexuals start talking about the point of marriage is sex, I’m all “dude, what the hell are you talking about?” when, normally, I’m pretty good at the White Cis-Male Heterosexual thing.”

            Did you have sex before marriage? For those of us who did (count me among them), marriage was about anything but sex.

            And I do the white cis-male heterosexual thing totes aces! I even wear a backwards ballcap sometimes!

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