Fantasy Football Week In Review: Week 1

(This is a guest post from our very own Dman!)

Jesus Drafts Well, Thunderlips Kisses Off Week One Win!!!!

Despite every other receiver being Green with envy, AJ was not enough to make up for the double-cross Dman received from his other two receivers. Coach Dman was too much of a doubting Thomas and left Moore points on the bench that could have let him cross the River to the promise land of the winners. Week in Review’s very own Tu Nosi caught up with the Coach, bearing his own cross, after the game.

Tu: Tough loss, coach.

Derek: Yeah, for just a moment I thought Owens Daniels was going to pull it out for me.

Tu: Care to comment on leaving Thomas and Moore on the bench?

Derek: Sure, they could have won it for me, but who would have put them in place instead of Decker and Daniels?

Tu: Well coach. If you had done your homework, you could have seen that there was high praise for Thomas and, with the addition of Welker, this was going to reduce the points Decker scored through the middle of the field last year. That would have made Moore a better play.

Derek: Thanks for the armchair quarterbacking, Tu.


Squeak of the Week

Despite Manning up early on Thursday, the Warriors had the field Levelled by poor efforts from their running back and kicker. The Levellers almost won with strong efforts from Johnson and Myers but lost by s point because Ridley had a game riddled with errors and found the bench that The Levellers should have had for him too. Let us hear from the Week in Review’s football Expert on this game for much greater insight into fantasy football. Expert, “Normally having a QB score 7 touchdowns is enough to win. It barely was today.” Thank for the great insight, Expert!


Weak of the Week

In a stunning lack of points, The Scorned Intangibles had the third fewest points, but won because they played Team Rocking the donut, who could not get four players to score Nine, Ten, or even Eleven points. Tu talked to coach Jaybird after the win.

Tu: Wow, coach, you barely came away with a win. What do you think gave it to you?

Jaybird: I owe it all to Tebow being on this team.

Tu: What? Tebow scored zero points! How did he win this game?

Jaybird: Points? Look at the scoreboard! It was the Intangibles that he brings to this team that let us win.

Tu:{Sputter} Intangibles?!? What kind of intangibles could he bring to a fantasy team?!? It not like he is in the locker room with these player.

Jaybird: It’s easy to ignore intangibles. Less easy to ignore a ‘W’.

Tu: You are crazy!

Jaybird: Yeah, crazy… like a fox.

Tu: I’m out of here.


The Oracle Update:

In this section we will track how well Yahoo’s Oracle of Delphi is doing for each team. It should be noted that the Oracle is looking good right now with The Anointed Ones picking up the most points for the week and Team Rocking the Donut picking up the least. Below you will see how many wins and losses are needed to make the Oracles’ predictions right (negative numbers mean the Oracle blew it).

The Tryhards: 9W – 3L
Acme Packers: 8W – 4L
WhoWouldJesusDraft?: 4W – 8L
Team Pooh Bear: 10W – 2L aka: The Anointed Ones
Partisan Warrior’s: 8W – 4L
Brian’s Best Team: 10W – 2L
Reba Demartino: 6W – 6L
DownSouth Dragons: 5W – 7L
The Uninitiated: 9W – 3L
MaliciousProsecutors: 4W – 8L
Merciless Monsters: 5W – 7L
Scorned Intangibles: 4W – 8L
Thunderlips Express: 5W – 7L
The Levellers: 6W – 6L
Team Sandcastle: 3W – 9L
The Nine Ten Eleven: 0W – 12L

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31 thoughts on “Fantasy Football Week In Review: Week 1

  1. Love the recap.

    I don’t quite get the Oracle update. Are you saying that if The Tryhards win 9 of their remaining 12 games, then the Yahoo Oracle will have been correct about them? So this is kind of like a contract bid in bridge?

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  2. In preparation for week two’s match against Burt Likko’s MaliciousProsecutors:


    Fighting a lawyer’s skulduggery?
    Vict’try will be that much more loverly
    Your team will be pliant
    with a fool for a client
    But you’ll find that stuff out in discovery

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  3. Brandon Carr’s late-game interception return against the Manning brother with the better post-season record is the play that put Team Sandcastle over the top against Reba. It was clearly Carr’s personal apology to me for leaving Kansas City for Dallas. Apology accepted, Brandon.

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  4. Fantasy Football Question about defense.

    So the Saints are playing the Buccs and the Seahawks are playing San Fran. Now, from what I understand, the Saints’ Defense sucks… but it strikes me that they’re more likely to be successful against the Buccs than the ‘hawks will be against the Unstoppable Kaopernick.

    What Do I Do???

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