Assorted predictions for the 2013-2014 season kicking off tonight…
1.) The Lakers will suck.
2.) LeBron James will deserve the MVP but not win it.
3.) No fewer than four teams will win 60+ games.
4.) The Lakers will not be one of them.
5.) The Lakers, in fact, will suck. Like, really, really suck.
6.) Derrick Rose will make people wonder why they questioned his toughness last year.
7.) Dwight Howard will look great playing in Houston.
8.) But it will not be enough to get the Rockets to the Finals.
9.) At least 3 teams will win fewer than 20 games.
10.) Chris Bosh will remind everyone just how good he is.
11.) In part because Dwyane Wade will take at least half the season to figure out what sort of player he has to be now. Upon figuring it out and (god willing) accepting it, the Heat will become that much more formidable.
12.) The Clippers are overrated.
13.) And why Chris Paul pushed for Doc Rivers, a notorious PG killer, to come on board is beyond me.
14.) Boogie Cousins will put up per-game numbers that will make people in 50 years wonder why he wasn’t the best player in the game. Those of us watching him in the moment (including the 30+ games he is sidelined due to injuries/suspensions) will rue his wasted talent.
15.) Stephen Curry will average 25+ points in the league.
16.) At least 3 times this year, you will tune into a Mavs game and say, “Vince Carter is still playing?!?!?! And somewhat effectively?!?!?!?!?!?!”
17.) The Knicks will disappoint.
18.) The Pacers will be a better regular season team than last year but will never seriously challenge for the #1 seed in the East.
19.) Kevin Durant will lead the league in scoring.
20.) But the Thunder will struggle without Westbrook.
21.) The Spurs, with leading scorer Kawhi Leonard, will churn out another great season.
22.) The Grizzlies will represent the West in the Finals.
23.) Where they will bear witness to LeBron and the Heat winning their third straight title.
So whatcha got?