There were a number of reasons that we left Arapaho and, more specifically, Clancy left her job there. The conditions were pretty miserable, she was mistreated in addition to the demands of the job, and she didn’t like what she was doing. That last one I haven’t talked as much about it, but it’s turned out to be the most specific. When she said she wanted to change her career trajectory, I always held a little skepticism that her misery had more to do with the job in Arapaho rather than the job description, and that a family practice job elsewhere might be completely different.
I was wrong, and she was right. Even setting aside everything else, she doesn’t like clinic work. And she was stuck in a job that revolved around clinic work. Though there was a balance between clinic and hospital when she started, it gradually became more clinic-based. Which is the way that things are going more generally, so while she could find balance elsewhere, the opportunities are disappearing and being replaced by clinic-workers over here and hospital workers over there. She wanted to be in the latter group, and her fellowship out here was to give her the training to be so.
Despite the (ostensibly) longer hours of the fellowship, the transition appeared to be a good one. She’d made the right choice, and my skepticism was wrong.
The fellowship is over and she’s going to be starting a hospitalist job at the same institutions. The problem is that one of the hospitals she is working at has not given her privileges yet. They meet for such things once every other month. Which has left her employed but without a job. In the meantime, the director of the affiliated nursing home resigned. So they have her doing that right now.
This has been, if not exactly clinic work, then something to it.
This is not Arapaho. She is not mistreated. The job demands are not as bad. The end is in site, and soon!
And yet, in some ways, or at least one way in particular, this is more frustrating than Arapaho. Because this is past the point where she was supposed to be doing clinic work. When she left Arapaho, she thought she was done with this. So every day she goes in is one more day than she was supposed to go in.
A lot of her career has been like this, for me, where there was supposed to be residency, that we put up with, then after she has maybe a fellowship and then it’s good money for less hours. For a variety of reasons, things didn’t quite work out that way (though the money did, sporadically anyway, get better). That was actually the most heartbreaking thing about Arapaho itself… it was residency-like hours at precisely the point in her career where she was supposed to be beyond that.
So my question to y’all is… when have you felt this way? Where the degree of annoyance is amplified by the fact that you’re not even supposed to be here today?
Beginning about 1990
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