Fantasy Football: Week 1 (and Football Season open thread)

(This is a guest post from our very own Dman!)

Week in Review: Week 1

Greeting fantasy fans, welcome to the third year of the Week in Review. There will be thrills, there will be chills, and there will be upsets. Even in week one. So let’s get to them.

Unknown Horsemen raid the Thunderlips Express, steal the win!!!

Speaking of upsets, The Express was expecting to win the first week according to predictions, but the Dynamic Duo of Brady and Gronkowski put and end that that train of thought. They combined for 64 point, over half the total points for the team, and it almost took Dman’s top three players to match. Our intrepid reported Tu Nosi talked with coach Dman after the game.

Tu: Tough way to start out the season coach. Any comments on the game.
Dman: What are you going to do? I have three of the top five receivers in the game and only one of them played well. Tough to win when you are putting so much on them.
Tu: That brings up another point, are you concerned with your running game? You have one active back,
Dman: Tu, this league only needs one back. That is why I stacked receivers.
Tu: Is it true you let the system auto draft for you? So how did ‘you’ stack anything?
Dman: Sigh, yes I auto drafted! But I modified my player list to get receivers first. So give me a little credit.
Tu: I do, for a week one lost. Thanks for the interview coach.
Dman: Grrrrr.

Peak of the Week

Miss Mary’s Men marched right in and gave the ProdigalAccipitridae the bird. Miss Mary’s Holy Cow trinity of Ryan, Allen (who?), and T. Kelce lead the way, but only two people failed to meet or beat their expectations. Luck was not with the ProdigalAccipitridae today for they scored the second highest points for the week only to face the team with the highest. Jaybird will have to Walk off having his highest scorer and the win on the bench in Tyler Eifert. Tu caught up with Jaybird after the game.

Tu: Tough luck today. The team looked good though. Your thoughts?
Jaybird: We were so close.
Tu: But you left Eifert on the bench?
Jaybird: We made it through all four weeks of the pre-season and we beat the Colts 36-10 and WE RAN IN A TOUCHDOWN.
Tu: Oh, here we go.
Jaybird: I’m not saying that he should be the 2nd stringer.
Tu: Of course you aren’t.
Jaybird: I’m just saying that there are more than a handful of teams out there that need to put butts in the seats and move a little more merch and care more about generating buzz and drawing eyeballs and advertisers than hoping to limp to a 3-13 record this year.
Tu: Mmm hmm.
Jaybird: Look at the Redskins for goodness’ sake! Or Tampa Bay! I’d wear a Bucs jersey with 15 on it! Everybody would! We’d yell “GO BUCS!” while standing in line at Chipotle!
Tu: Maybe they’re tired of everybody talking about… him… when they’re supposed to be talking about football?
Jaybird: Maybe they should be less tired of money. Because that is what he is. Emm. Oh. Enn. Eee. Why.
Tu: Maybe we can talk about the game next week.
Jaybird: We’ll see.

Squeak of the Week

That Deflated sails of a Viking win came on Monday night when Julio Jones inflated his worth and team with a 31 point performance and a win for the Undeflatermaus. Still, the Vikings were Manning a sinking ship after choosing two Broncos to take lead roles (even having one take the place of Adrian Peterson?!?). They both scored half or less of the expected points. Team Johnson will have to Hyde their heads in shame for leaving their second highest scorer on the bench.

Weak of the Week

Out of Left field a Shark took a bite out of the Warriors. While Jaybird and Jesse know the ugly side of Luck, the other side of the coin goes to the Return of Left Shark. Despite and out of sync performance from Burt’s team, it was the Partisan bickering that saw two goose eggs leading the Warriors to rocking their own donut for the first week.

The Ouija Board

Nostradamus is back in his grave (for now). And the Week in Review decided the cut costs on the predictions section. We went to Wal-Mart and bought a Ouija Board and here are the win loss predictions that were made. The Week in Review will subtract the wins and loses from each week to see how close the Ouija board is for the teams.

Thunderlips Express: 11 – 2 aka: The Anointed Ones
ProdigalAccipitridae: 10 – 3
Minnesota Vikings: 7 – 5- 1
Miss Mary’s Men: 6 – 7
Partisan Warriors: 5 – 6 – 2
Undeflatermaus: 5 – 8
Uffington Horsemen: 4 – 9
Return of Left Shark: 2- 10 -1

(Photo is “Rock Dennis tackles Taylor Wardlow” by John McStravick. Used under a Creative Commons License.)

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8 thoughts on “Fantasy Football: Week 1 (and Football Season open thread)

  1. The Donkeys are looking really good.

    The problem is that the AFC West is the AFC West.

    We’re going to be the #1 in the AFC and have the first playoff game at Mile High… but we’re probably going to end up making comments about how Manning has only so many really good weeks before they run out sometime in January.

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