Fantasy Football: Week 2 (and Football Season open thread)

(This is a guest post from our very own Dman!)

Week in Review: Week 1

Thunderlips Receivers Express Themselves!!!

Coach Dman’s Receivers went wild and scored almost as many points as the hapless Warriors this week. The Warriors had too much Partisan bickering and no Luck again this week with two players rocking the donut and Andrew Luck underperforming yet again. Tu met up with coach Dman after the win.

Tu: Sigh, impressive win coach.
Dman: Oh, yeah! That is why I wanted those receivers! We got the Peak and the Freak of the Week! I do not think I had that once last year….
Tu: How can you take credit for those receivers when you auto drafted?
Dman: I told you last week how Tu. Do you watch your own interviews?
Tu: I’ll ask the questions coach. So, any concern that you have used your waivers this week and may have no starting tight end?
Dman: Ugh, that is going to be a problem.
Tu: Do you consider this a failure of your coaching?
Dman: Grrr…

Squeak of the Week

The ProdigalAccipitridae had to sneak by the Undeflatermaus after Jaybird had a flooded Jeffery tube and posted the goose egg. Not to be out done, the Undeflatermaus deflated their chance to win by only playing eight positions. Still the one receiver on the bench did not have the Wright stuff and would not have helped them win against the ProdigalAccipitridae. Tu interviewed coach Jaybird after the game.

Tu: Solid win this week, Coach. Dare I ask how?
Jaybird: Well, I figured that the best way to win in week two was to push all of my guys.
Tu: Push them?
Jaybird: To the limit! In such a way that six of them got injured to the point where they are now “questionable”.
Tu: That’s… not… how this works.
Jaybird: And then, on top of that, Le’vonn Bell was out of the game!
Tu: Well, there actually *WAS* a reason…
Jaybird: Let me be blunt. I almost felt like weeding him out of my team and trading him for someone who could provide a score higher than zero.
Tu: But you thought “bong” or something?
Jaybird: What?
Tu: I shouldn’t have interrupted. Go on.
Jaybird: I just figured that he deserves one more shot.
Tu: And you decided to finish with a mixed metaphor?
Jaybird: What?
Tu: Never mind.

Weak of the Week

Miss Mary needs to teach manners to her players as seven of them underperformed while four out of six on the bench over performed this week. Yet the Viking should Hyde their head in shame for choosing to play either of the running backs that played and leaving Peterson on the bench. Hyde or Peterson, Hill or Peterson? Is that even a question?

Streak of the Week

Normally the Week in Review would mention the terrible call of the Horsemen leaving QBs that scored 28 and 30 points on the bench as a terrible move. Yet the quarterback they did play scored 40 points! His opponent Left a few points on the bench but there was not enough there to overcome the teams Return to mediocrity.

The Ouija Board

This week saw balance return to the For… er, Fanstasy league as only two teams repeated their win or loss from last week. It is too early to tell if the Ouija board will be better than last year’s predictions. The Week in Review hopes so since Nostradamus did not work cheap.

Thunderlips Express: 10 – 2 aka: The Anointed Ones
ProdigalAccipitridae: 9 – 3
Minnesota Vikings: 6 – 5- 1
Miss Mary’s Men: 6 – 6
Partisan Warriors: 5 – 5 – 2
Undeflatermaus: 5 – 7
Uffington Horsemen: 3 – 9
Return of Left Shark: 2- 9 -1

(Photo is “Rock Dennis tackles Taylor Wardlow” by John McStravick. Used under a Creative Commons License.)


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Jaybird is Birdmojo on Xbox Live and Jaybirdmojo on Playstation's network. He's been playing consoles since the Atari 2600 and it was Zork that taught him how to touch-type. If you've got a song for Wednesday, a commercial for Saturday, a recommendation for Tuesday, an essay for Monday, or, heck, just a handful a questions, fire off an email to AskJaybird-at-gmail.com

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