Fantasy Football: Week 17 (and Football Season open thread)

(This, the last post of the season, was written by our very own Dman!)

Week in Review: THE Championship

High Flying ProdigalAccipitridae Sink the Vikings!!!!

It was the final match of the year. All the other games have lead to this single moment.Who would make the first mistake? It turned out to be coach Team Johnson when he handed the ship off to Blake Borltes. Borltes was bottled up by the Texans and scored less than a fourth of his projections. Forlorn on the bench sat the man who had bought the team to the dance in Captain Kirk Cousins, forgotten. Other than that the Vikings played their best players, but it was not enough. Even with coach Jaybird playing the Patriot defense over Seattle’s, he made the risky play of getting a Staff infection with Mat instead of the cool Brees of Drew, yet it paid off. The winner of this year’s league, the runner up of the last two seasons, your league champions the ProdigalAccipitridae and coach Jaybird. Nu talked with sports analyst Dman and the winning coach after the game.

Nu: Wow, incredible game , wasn’t it Dman?
Dman: You bet it was! Both the Freak and the Peak of the week!!!
Nu: Er, that is for highest points and biggest blowout. The championship had neither.
Dman: What are you talking about? Did you see Thunderlips smash Miss Mary’s Men?
Nu: So what your team lost in the first round against the team with the worst record of the year. We are talking about the championship match between ProdigalAccipitridae and the Minesota Vikings.
Dman: Those two were still playing?? They had 50/50 records.
Nu: Everyone’s record was 0-0 at the start of the playoffs.
Dman: That sucks!
Nu: So does your analysis.
Dman: Ouch.

Nu: So, coach. You decided to drive it like you stole it.
Jaybird: It feels weird winning like that after having a 50-50 season.
Nu: Bad taste in your mouth?
Jaybird: Well, more like a hollow one. Like we put 8 numbers in a hat and I happened to draw #1.
Nu: I may have some bad news for you about Fantasy Football, coach…
Jaybird: Technically, I know that it’s more like we put 120 numbers in a hat, we all drew 15 of them, averaged them, then put them in order.
Nu: It sounds like you’ve finally internalized the deeper truth of this game.
Jaybird: If I wanted something with deeper meaning, I suppose I should have looked more into whatever the heck it is that Tim Tebow does with his free time now.
Nu: I somehow knew that it would all come back to him.
Jaybird: How else could the season end?

(Photo is “Rock Dennis tackles Taylor Wardlow” by John McStravick. Used under a Creative Commons License.)

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Jaybird is Birdmojo on Xbox Live and Jaybirdmojo on Playstation's network. He's been playing consoles since the Atari 2600 and it was Zork that taught him how to touch-type. If you've got a song for Wednesday, a commercial for Saturday, a recommendation for Tuesday, an essay for Monday, or, heck, just a handful a questions, fire off an email to

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5 thoughts on “Fantasy Football: Week 17 (and Football Season open thread)

      • We will.

        I do wish we could have more people participate, though.

        It’s easy to do, until Danny Amendola gets injured right before the first game in the playoffs and they’re the effing New England Patriots so they aren’t going to just tell you anything about whether he’s going to play or not, not that it did them any tangible good to be so effing cagey about it anyway.

        But maybe you’ll be smart like I wasn’t, and not take Danny Amendola off the waiver wire or worse yet draft him. Perhaps this is a weirdly specific sort of problem that only I have.

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        • I only got in because I was in last year. It seemed like the announcement wasn’t as prominent as it could have been. It would be nice to get more participants, I agree, especially those who might actually pay attention to their teams.

          For the record, I suffered on the throwing end of the Amendola connection in my 3rd place game. Brady really laid an egg in week 17.

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