Your bowls are numbered… (Open Thread)

…so seize the Super Sunday!

Just finished a maudlin piece about my Dad, Super Bowl 49 having been his last Super Bowl.

Don’t worry, the piece has been saved to “notes” and will not see the Ordinary light. Instead, for me, today, I’ll be dipping an extra chip in artery-hardening dip, and, even though he was darn near teetotal, starting on the adult beverages early, in memory of him.

May save my own comments until after the game. Hope it’s even half as good as last year’s.

You know, when I was young, it seemed any team had at most one or two guys who were really fast. Nowadays, every team is loaded with speedburners.

 

 

Image by JeepersMedia Your bowls are numbered... (Open Thread)


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56 thoughts on “Your bowls are numbered… (Open Thread)

      • Yeah, that one had exactly zero unmixed messages.

        And I can understand that a certain amount of cocaine might cause someone to green-light the man/bear/pig Dew commercial – but that’s no excuse for letting it go ahead once you saw the dailies.

        Even worse than the muppet intestine, which was actually sorta cute.

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          • Oh yeah, the bowel is a much better realization by the technical people than the idea itself deserved. Like I said, it was kinda cute and it had more personality than – to pull out a couple random examples – Anthony Hopkins or Liam Neeson.

            The toenail fungus was bad on all levels – a stupid idea, for a product that probably isn’t in the same league as e.g. Budweiser and Audi and shouldn’t be buying a SB slot in the first place, mixing celebrities who aren’t even actors but are phoning it in anyway with CGI that’s both badly designed and indifferently executed.

            Still not as bad as Dew’s attempt to create a gritty reboot of the Ally McBeal baby meme…

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          • The Bowel commercial was weird and then got weirder. When the Bowel was being wanded by the TSA, I found myself asking “WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON?”

            The people with whom I watched the game were all wondering about the ads that dealt with the babies born 9 months after a Superbowl victory. I pointed out that the Pro-Lifers couldn’t buy ads anymore so they really had to get subtle. They all said “oooooooooooh” and smiled and nodded for the message being sent.

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    • Denver is probably the only playoff team in either conference that wouldn’t have a severe dropoff in a QB change. Them and the Bengals (Houston doesn’t count, they’re only there to make up the numbers). Seattle, GB, KC, and Pittsburgh – along with Carolina – are built around the unique strengths of their guy, and would struggle even more than the difference in talent would suggest.

      So, no. Switching to the triple option, on the other hand, might have gotten them closer.

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  1. What has Bruno Mars done in his career to get in two Super Bowl halftime shows? I understand that he likely works cheap – but halftime acts are unpaid!

    In fairness, he probably understands the catch rule better than the officiating crew…

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  2. Remember the Mayweather Pacquiao fight?

    That’s what this game totally reminded me of. It wasn’t that Manning was so very good, it’s that the Defense got in Newton’s head and stayed there.

    A game that was not fun to watch, particularly… but a defense that was amazingly well-managed.

    (I can’t believe that Kubiak was booed on the trophy stage! Booed!)

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    • I also have an observation on the halftime show:

      At the Superbowl party I went to, me and my bud were the youngest people there. When Coldplay came out, the other people we were watching with started yelling about how they’ve stopped making halftime shows for the adults in the audience and were making shows for these millennials.

      I attempted to point out that Coldplay was being unusually high-energy tonight and how they had migrated from “alternative” to “adult contemporary” but then Bruno Mars came out and everybody started yelling about who in the hell was this guy and then when Beyoncé came out they started yelling about women spreading their legs on camera.

      So it was weird to watch the halftime show from people who were hating it from the other side.

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      • And there I was watching it with people who were not inclined to like or see things this way and all we could think or say was, “Man, why is Coldplay ruining this show?” And we said that. A lot.

        More than anything, we were REALLY hoping Missy Elliot would reprise her role from last year.

        Which might say more about me and my peeps than the show itself. Meh…

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    • If by head you mean backfield and forced him to rely on Tedd Ginn and Philly Brown to make plays. The real issue is that Carolina’s offense wasn’t as good as advertised. Once Cam had to deal with pressure, he needed his receivers to make plays and the guys the Panthers have catching the ball, aside from Greg Olsen, aren’t up for the task.

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      • I think that Carolina’s offense was a particularly bad matchup.

        The offensive line is particularly weak at tackle, where the Broncos are historically strong – the middle of the line didn’t have a particularly bad game, and they ran the ball well enough before inexplicably giving up and going pass-wacky (Dallas with a healthy Romo, would have a better time, I think).

        And the Broncos have three matchup corners, so they can basically take away three of Carolina’s one recieving threats (Arizona, with about eight guys who run sub-4.4 would be a different story). And it forces Newton to make multiple reads in the time he doesn’t have in the pocket. Further, as noted shill Peter King mentions, Carolina likes to keep extra guys back to protect – but confidence in the secondary allowed Phillips to just blitz the guys covering them, negating any extra protection.

        Seattle, without a healthy Jimmy Graham, has all the same problems, to an even greater degree. It might have been closer with a couple of Wilson sandlot plays, but on the night I don’t think that any of the teams that could realistically have gotten out of the NFC could have scored more than 20 against that defense.

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  3. I said this earlier:

    “I think people are underestimating the Broncos. Their defense was really, really, REALLY good. Like historically good. And while the Panthers are a legit team, I think there are points in the Broncos’ favor. The Panthers led the league in points, but that was somewhat inflated by defensive/special teams points and field position. So while their offense is good, I don’t think it is truly best-in-the-league good. Much of their prowess was built on a highly effective running game. I don’t know if Denver can stop it but they can focus on it. Carolina doesn’t have much in the way of WRs, meaning Denver can take the opposite approach they used against the Pats (wherein they HAD to rely on their front 3/4 to generate pressure because you have to pressure Brady but you can’t blitz Brady). They can commit their front 7 to containing the run and force the Panthers’ WR to make plays. And while field position, take aways, and special teams is somewhat skill based, I think the Broncos will seek to minimize this by leaning heavily on their run game and imploring Manning to be really smart with the ball (which he has been since his return).

    I think the Panthers are rightly favored, but 6 feels like too much. If I was in Vegas, I’d take the points. But it wouldn’t shock me to see the Broncos use a ball-control approach and creative defensive attacks to stymy the Panthers and turn the game into a slugfest. And while we tend not to think of Manning as the sort of QB to win slugfests, this Broncos team can win slugfests.

    This all breaks down if the Panthers can control the line of scrimmage and use enough creativity on offense to slow the Denver pass rush. If they do that, they’ll put the Broncos on their heals and force the offense to take chances. Their opportunistic defense will capitalize.”

    Then before the game, I told my friend 6 points was stupid and that the Panthers were right ot be the favorite but there were enough angles for the Broncos. Then I said I wish I could get Von Miller at 8-1 for MVP. Halfway through the third I learned Miller went off at 20-1. Now I’m mad.

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        • The game was ugly but I still found it engaging. Von Miller’s strip sack aside, there weren’t a ton of plays that will go onto a highlight reel worth watching. That said, the game was competitive until it suddenly wasn’t. Neither offense was crisp, but both defense — Denver’s in particular — did some things really well even if they didn’t make for “Wow!” plays. Denver kept Carolina’s pocket dirty… Newton’s feet were cluttered… and this seemed strategic. Yes, they went after Cam, but they couldn’t pin their ears back and just tear off the ends the way they did with Brady because of the threat of the run. So they had to pursue him but in a much more controlled way. And they needed to collapse the pocket up front or at least maintain gap discipline. They did all of that.

          So while there will be plenty to look at and say, “THAT ISN’T HOW YOU WIN IN THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE!” there will also be plenty of tape that Wade Phillips can show and say, “This is how you coach the defensive line. Who wants to give me a third shot as a coach?” And no one should because coaching is much less about Xs and Os than it is about culture and personality. But no one seems to have told most owners that.

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    • Mike,

      I’m a Denver fan, but I agree with your assessment of the teams. (Disclosure: I missed most of the 2d half because we switched to Downton Abbey.) It seems that the Broncos got very lucky, with all the turnovers they forced (or happened upon). It’s almost like they won in spite of their many fouls, including that face mask foul toward the beginning.

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        • They really need the equivalent of a a red card system. Or at least a “two personal fouls and you’re out of the game” setup.

          And of course it was deliberate. And I have no doubt his coach praised him for it, because a 1.5 yards beats the heck out of a touchdown.

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            • Talib’s intentional use of the face mask to literally hurl that receiver outa bounds was obvious in real time. He then admitted to doing it on purpose. I think he’ll get busted by the league for it. Right after the play I thought there was about a 50/50 that he’d get tossed right then. Interestingly, right after the play Talib took himself outa the game, and I think he did that to try to massage the situation in his favor. Maybe it worked, but I’m not sure the Broncos wouldna been better off at that point with him on the bench anyway.

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            • I’d prefer to let the refs on the field handle it, rather than hope there’s enough pressure to make the NFL eyeroll and do something.

              That face-masking should have led to ejection from the game, and even if they had an instant-replay review, it would have stood as egregious, dangerous, and exactly the sort of violation that refs should jump on with both feet. (Deliberate, and done with total contempt for the penalty. 1.5 yards, after all…)

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            • I would guess that the owners won’t do it because of all the wrinkles they would have to put into the rule. If the purpose is player safety, two players standing facemask-to-facemask jawing at each other — Talib’s first personal foul — shouldn’t count towards ejection. The NCAA requires video replay to confirm their targeting ejections — the NFL owners would surely insist on the same thing, with the reviewers instructed to err on the side of keeping million-dollar players in the game. To make up an example, at some point the question comes up, “Was the helmet-to-helmet that got the $10M/yr linebacker ejected caused by the $500K/yr fourth-string receiver ducking at the last second?” And then you have situations like one that happened this year, where a blatant facemask on a run into the line didn’t get called.

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            • Maybe they could model it more directly after the yellow/red card system. Make certain personal fouls automatic warnings – unnecessary roughness, roughing the passer, facemask?, cut block?. Make certain others discretionary, so jawing at an official might draw one while jawing at an opponent won’t.

              Or they could make the punishment post-facto – a game suspension rather than an ejection.

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            • I’m waiting, with no expectation that it will happen, for the NCAA officials to start calling targeting on players on the offense. The rule doesn’t specify. But a running back can do exactly the same “duck head and hit a linebacker in the chest with the crown of the helmet” that would get the linebacker ejected with little fear that he will be flagged.

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  4. How did we get this far without a mention of Annabel Bowlen who had to read which team she was congratulating and treated the Lombardi trophy like it was dipped in an Ebola-Zika hybrid.

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