Billing staffer: I can’t find the diagnosis code for malaria.
Me: Malaria? Why do you need the diagnosis code for malaria? We don’t have any patients with malaria.
Staffer: Isn’t that what you wrote on the billing form for [healthy, thriving patient]?
Me: Noooooo! That’s “miliaria”! “Miliaria.” As in, “heat rash.”
Staffer: Oh. That’s very different.