First of all, an introduction. At various points in different comment threads, I have referred to a part of my soul that is occupied by an aged British spinster librarian. She wields an umbrella. She would fit right in with the ladies who come for tea in “The Ladykillers.” (The original version. We shall not speak of the remake.) She has Strong Opinions.
I have named her Millicent.
Every so often I encounter Some New Thing that brings her roaring to the front of my mind. And when that happens, I have decided to turn over the occasional Tuesday question to her, so as to provide her with an appropriate outlet.
Next, a disclaimer. This week Millicent is in a swivet about Some New Thing that young people are doing to their appearance. If you have done this Thing to your appearance, please understand I’m really, really not making fun or trying to make anyone feel bad. I just don’t understand it, and it makes me feel old and out of touch and like I should just find a sunny porch to doze off on. Consider my confusion a sign of incipient decrepitude, not a sign of disrespect to you.
Clear? Good. Over you, Millicent.
“What have you done to your ears?!?? Why are you stretching them out? Why are you inserting cylinders of ever-increasing diameter into them?
Is this considered attractive? It does not strike me as attractive. I find it off-putting.
Have you considered the distinct possibility that you may reach an age at which you regret having rendered your earlobes as like unto silly putty? Do you think your decision in this regard may have an impact on those jobs you might be offered in the future? Does anyone think of these things anymore? Why does nobody think of these things anymore?
Every time I see ears thus… modified, I am tempted to inquire if the young person did so in order to have a convenient place to store pencils. It was perplexing enough when people started getting random bits of their faces pierced. (Really, young lady? Your cheek?) But at least those people can remove their metal adornments if they wish. Once one’s ears have taken on the appearance of a rubber band, can a normal visage be restored without the help of an appropriately-trained surgeon?
Good heavens. This is all very vexing. Where is the sherry? I need to go lie down.”
So there you have it, and along with it this week’s Question(s). Do other people wonder why Today’s Young People are doing this to themselves, or am I really just old? And are there trends or fads that make you feel like it’s time to cash in your chips and find out what this “Matlock” you’ve heard all about is like?