Hello, World! My name is Tod, and I am the new Blinded Trials intern.
Over the course of the coming weeks, months, and years, I will be fetching coffee, collating various reports, and picking up dry-cleaning for Russell and Elizabeth. I will also, upon occasion, be writing some cockamamie thing or another and posting it on these very pages.
Exactly which cockamamie things I will be writing about is not so clear, yet. Likely, it will be everything that doesn’t fit under the topic umbrellas of either Politics or Things People Will Pay Me Money For. That — to give fair warning — will likely mean some pretty weird s**t. Previously published examples of things I have written that don’t fall into the two umbrellas mentioned above include a fake press release from Michael Bay on his decision to cast Vin Diesel as Jesus, a lost House at Pooh Corner story where Roo gets shot by poachers, and an update of Charlie & The Chocolate Factory so dark that it somehow makes Roald Dahl seem like a sunnier version of Beatrix Potter by comparison. I also do a lot of live story-telling for the Moth, RISK!, and other joints, and I suspect I will be posting some of those recordings from time to time as well.
Those of you who found your way here from Ordinary Times likely already know who I am. For those of you who came here following Russell or Elizabeth, I am looking forward to getting to meet your acquaintance. To that end, allow me a brief introduction:
I live in the Pacific Northwest with my wife and two startlingly grownup boys. I also have two cats, who are quite naughty and should be ashamed of themselves. ((They know what they did.)) Once upon a time I was a risk manager, but now I mostly write for magazines such as Marie Claire who clearly never read what I submit to them. ((It’s likely that when I do have a piece published, I’ll mention here — but only if I have an anecdote or two from writing the piece that I feel I want to talk about, or think that you, dear reader, might find entertaining.)) I am also working with the lovely and phenomenally talented Maud Kelly ((No relation)) on a podcast we hope we might be able to eventually syndicate. ((I will likely be chronicling it’s inevitable, epic failure here on these pages for your amusement!)) I’m fun for the whole family, come in a variety of sizes and colors, and I make a great gift. If you allow me into your home, I promise to sit in the far corner and not make very much noise. You’ll never even know I am there.
Finally, let me just say that I am tremendously excited to be here, shamelessly riding the coattails of two of the best writers I know. I look forward to getting to know y’all. ((Oh, also: I use the word “y’all” a lot. Apologies in advance.))