The Bearded Newt

C’mon, admit it. Newt is way more electable with the beard. He’s practically Santa Claus, and who doesn’t love Santa Claus?**

Put a top hat on this guy and stick a pipe in his mouth and you’ve got yourself a president.

Honestly, why have beards gone so out of fashion among our political elite? (Yes, Newt, you are part of the political elite.) I just don’t get it. Beards are dignified, presidential even. They lend an air of confidence and manliness that these post-Roman smooth-cheeked politicians simply can’t achieve.

Then again, I’m a dirty, bearded hippie. So I’m biased.


** Then again, Santa is all about redistribution of wealth. The toys and all that. For every child. No child left behind…

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Erik Kain

Erik writes about video games at Forbes and politics at Mother Jones. He's the editor of The League though he hasn't written much here lately. He can be found occasionally composing 140 character cultural analysis on Twitter.