How Marriage Works
I took this past week off from my day job to get some writing done on a long term project, and decided, during this time, to start on a beard. My new beard was popular with 75% of the household, but it didn’t have the support of the one whose vote mattered most. “We do not live in a democracy,” the wife reminded me. She liked the look, but loathed the feel. According to her, I have exceptionally coarse and jagged facial hair. It never gets soft, or at least it never did in the past. It grows straight out and stays unfailingly at attention.
We had agreed that I could keep the beard for another week, but I got rid of it this morning instead. I knew that doing so would make my wife happy, and I was growing weary of the grimaces she would give me before and after each kiss, as if I were some overly-eager repulsive great uncle. Once she even placed her hand before her lips as if we were in middle school. I think she was semi-joking.
So now the beard is gone, the wife unit is all smiles, and she no longer hesitates apprehensively before each peck of affection. I kept inordinately long sideburns. That’s the compromise.