Please excuse me…

I have to go stick my head in the oven.

Submitted without further comment:

ASPIRING fiction writers, don’t take it too hard, but the Kardashian sisters, best known for their skill in cozying up to reality-show cameras, are about to publish their first novel.

“As wild as our real lives may seem on TV, just wait to read what we’ve dreamed up to deliver between the covers of our first novel,” Kourtney, Kim and Khloé said in a statement last week, announcing that William Morrow, an imprint of HarperCollins, would publish a novel they had written.

And why not? Nicole Richie has had two novels published. Hilary Duff released her first novel, “Elixir,” last year. Lauren Conrad, the blond reality starlet, just landed a deal with HarperCollins to write a trilogy about a scheming, backstabbing Hollywood princess named Madison. Nicole Polizzi, otherwise known as Snooki of the MTV show “Jersey Shore,” published a novel in January, despite telling The New York Times last year that she had read only two books in her life. Her book, “A Shore Thing,” quickly landed on the New York Times best-seller list.

Russell Saunders

Russell Saunders is the ridiculously flimsy pseudonym of a pediatrician in New England. He has a husband, three sons, daughter, cat and dog, though not in that order. He enjoys reading, running and cooking. He can be contacted at blindeddoc using his Gmail account. Twitter types can follow him @russellsaunder1.

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