On Opposite Day, we do our best* to argue in service of a position that, under normal circumstances, we argue against. Coke people might sing the praises of Pepsi, Cat people might talk about why Dogs make for superior pets, Political Types might put forward the position that is usually held by their opponents. After all, *ANYONE* can beat up a strawman. Here is the kickoff post for the symposium. Here is a list of all the posts so far.
Okay, haters. It’s time to step back. It’s time to wipe those smug grins off your face and to ditch your unflattering comparisons to Billy Crystal. (Because he was so dynamic this year, amirite?) It’s time to let go of your mean girl “Worst Host Ever” snipes.
It’s time to invite James Franco back to host the Oscars.
Yeah, I know your gripes. That he seemed listless and uninterested when he hosted the last time. That poor Anne Hathaway (of whom my opinion has improved substantially since then) was forced to drown in a pool of her own flop sweat. That the edgiest thing they could up with for him to do was put on a dress, which was done and done better in 1959. That his performance could have been charitably described as “embalmed.”
To which I say, “get over it.” You morons wouldn’t know “cool” if it came up and gave you the wedgie you desperately deserve. James Franco is a serious talent, and if you think he has to bow and scrape and tell lame jokes to earn Hollywood’s approval, you’re sadly mistaken. Why, he was nominated for an Academy Award the same night he hosted, and he didn’t even seem nervous! (True, Colin Firth was such a lock for “The King’s Speech” he could have spent every interview on its publicity tour loudly passing gas and still taken home the statuette, but that’s not the point!) What other marquee name conveys both a willingness to do daytime television (which, OK, maybe didn’t go that well) and serious scholarship? Nobody, that’s who.
It’s time to ask him back. It’s time to recognize that Seth MacFarlane is a middling hack who’ll probably spend the whole night doing lame jokes in his Stewie voice. That what Tinseltown needs is an Oscar host not afraid to broadcast indifference and barely-concealed disdain. That Tina Fey and Neil Patrick Harris apparently don’t want the job and decent alternatives are thin on the ground.
It’s time for James Franco… again.
*[Editor’s note: I may not have taken this aspect of things entirely seriously.]