13 cool drug names you could totally give your newborn

1)  Lunesta

2)  Keppra

3)  Cefepime

4)  Celexa

5)  Boniva

6)  Latisse

7)  Suprax

8)  Maxzide

9)  Zocor

10)  Levitra

11)  Primacor

12)  Succinylcholine chloride

13)  Mircette

Russell Saunders

Russell Saunders is the ridiculously flimsy pseudonym of a pediatrician in New England. He has a husband, three sons, daughter, cat and dog, though not in that order. He enjoys reading, running and cooking. He can be contacted at blindeddoc using his Gmail account. Twitter types can follow him @russellsaunder1.


  1. To think I picked Finnegan over Succinylcholine chloride…

    Oh well, if we had a girl, it was going to by Chlamydia.

    No, seriously, its a really pretty word. Just say it, you will see.

  2. Stick with the classics – Xanax (“Zan” for childhood nickname, “Professor X” when they get their doctorate).

      • A friend used to refer to her pill-popping brother as “Prince Valium”.

        • My mom used to give us kids “vitamin V” when she needed quiet time. did not figure it out till i watched beetleguese and heard “sleeping with prince Valium.”

          on the other hand it kept us calm and made the post nap ghostbusters cartoon awesome.

  3. If you named your daughter “Succinylcholine chloride” her nickname could be “Sooki.” That’s like, a real nickname!

    Seriously, how many of these were derived by bored copywriters on Madison Avenue playing Boggle and coming up with “things that aren’t words but might make good brand names”?

  4. I’d go with Flonase or Claratin (Flo or Clare for short).

  5. This is getting laminated and going in the hospital bag.

    • Let me know which name you go with, and I’ll make sure the appropriate drug rep hooks you up with all sorts of swag sporting the kid’s name.

      • Compounded “Suprax Maxzide” sounds pretty maximus.

        • It’ll cure your social disease and help bring your blood pressure back to normal after having contracted one in the first place!

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