People who play pen-and-paper RPG should be able to relate, here, but the phenomenon translates to online MMORPGs and single-player RPGs to some degree, as well.
If you’ve played any number of RPGs over your lifetime, you’ve had a bunch of characters. Some of these characters may hold a special place in your heart (one of these days I’ll perhaps get around to writing about mine). Now, we all like to pretend that we’re grownups and we’ve always been truly sublime roleplayers, but if you take all those character sheets and put them in a pile, you know somewhere in that pile is at least one thing that you really enjoyed acquiring as much if not more than any other thing in that pile. And I’m not talking about your Monty Haul days; not Stormbringer or Thor’s Hammer or any of that nonsense. Something you had to work to get, that was really worth it.
Your bling, as ’twere. Your barbarian’s magical axe that could be used as a dowsing rod, was indestructible, and could switch back and forth between a throwing axe and a battleaxe. The crazy custom staff your DM built for your wizard. Your intelligent short sword +3 that was a better overall pick than the Holy Avenger you turned down.
For me, my favorite weapon used by any character I ever played was a two-handed sword +3, Frost Brand (+6 vs. Fire Using/Dwelling Creatures) that my ranger acquired (I was in sixth grade). It was intelligent, INT 15, with one doubled primary ability (detect magic in a 2″ radius) and one extraordinary power (heal 1 time/day). It had a GM-imposed limited special purpose (slay non-human, magical-only monsters), with the special purpose power confusion for 2-12 rounds when it struck such a monster if they missed their save. Languages were Dragon (the GM had one dragon language for all dragons) and Elemental (ditto). Alignment, Chaotic Good. Total Ego, 19. Of course, once I had it, the next several campaigns consisted largely of non-magical monsters. But I loved the idea of a ranger with a big ol’ honkin’ two-handed sword. To heck with a bow!
An example of the weapon I had the most fun giving away: the 12-gauge ALPO (TM) loader was an invention of a friend of mine: a shotgun-like device that fired cans of dog food. The cans themselves did minimal damage, but it came with a pair of Rottweilers. Equipped with a laser sight, of course. Spun out of deranged imaginations late at night, you can possibly imagine how things may go wrong with this gadget in play. A perfect Paranoia weapon, of course, and one I enjoyed both giving away and using to its utmost chaotic ends.
An example from non-tabletop RPGing, for me, was the Umbra Sword in Morrowind. I ran into Umbra very early in the game, my first time through, and he killed me about 20 times before I came up with a plan to take him out, at which point I managed to be packing one of the better weapons in the game very early. I’m sure WoW players have their epic gear examples.
So, what’s buried in your pile? A vorpal sword? A staff of the Magi?
I don’t recall any particularly cool swag from my player days. Well, my elf rogue had some gloves of dex +2 that were pretty nice, but they’re not exactly something to brag about.
Nowadays, I’m the GM, so it’s my job to give out swag. Oh wait, that’s wrong. It’s my job to wave the swag in front of PC’s faces in order to entice them into an adventure, then insure that they never get it. Or give them cool swag, but force them to destroy it a few adventures later in order to save the world.*
This time around, my players have fought off the vampire lord, re-forged the holy sword, and are about to use it to prevent evil witches from summoning a demon to the mortal world. But after that, it’ll have to be given to Mr. Bartleby so he can sell it to his wealthy clients–otherwise they won’t get to expense their ammunition, travel, and medical bills.
*technically, to destroy the world. But the destruction was itself a prerequisite to the saving.
I have one that comes from my early days in RPG land. I’m not a tabletop guy (only because I didn’t have any friends who were), so this are video game related, and it’s my Gold Chocobo from Final Fantasy VII. It was the first time I ever really committed an enormous amount of time to achieving something in a game that was basically totally unnecessary for anything other than bragging rights. I bred that thing from scratch, starting with a couple yellows, racing at the Golden Saucer (is that even the right name? I can’t remember), and feeding those suckers “greens” until they mated to give me whatever the next color was (black?). Then I did all over again and again until that little gold fellow popped out. It was amazing.
“This are”? I’m going back to bed.
> my Gold Chocobo
I don’t need to go any farther to have awarded Ryan the thread-winner, right there.
This isn’t my story… but I know the GM.
Unicorn Horn dildo to cure an STD. Grand Epic quest…
I have few memories of the magical items I gained as a player. I remember more about my characters in general. Still, the one magic Item I do remember was a +2 Short Sword that a miser DM gave my gnome thief. The special thing was it could cast Darkness 10″ radius three times a day. This was back when darkness completely blinded people and then you rolled randomly the direction you walked in it and could not cast most spells since they required line of sight. The DM thought the item was a little nice, but I started to abuse all his spell casters and ranged creatures by constantly dropping darkness on them.
The items I created often came as ideas from books I read (we shall see if other people have read the same stuff I have).
1) Sentient hell hound pelt that was used as a cloak. It could breathe fire a few times per day.
2) Heavy Crossbow that was like a medieval machine gun, able to fire multiple times per round and had a cartridge to refill.
3) Bracers with spider moldings on them. The spiders could animate, had webbing between their legs allowing them to glide. They could attack, but also attach webbing from the bracers to themselves for the character to climb up or use to entangle enemies.
4) (more recent and easier to guess) A returning javelin that when thrown turns into multiple javelins.
5) A sword completely made out of diamonds that increased the caster level and number of spells that could be cast per day by a wizard.
Then one that did not come from another source, an artifact mace of the fire god. When in the hands of one of his clerics, it increased their ability to cast fire spells, immune to all fire, and they were constantly immolated by fire. It was funny to see what they had to do, just so this guy could stay around the other party members.
Patrick mentioned Paranoia and the ALPO gun (and accompanying Rottweilers). In my Paranoia days, the object that caused the most chaos was a dispenser of dental floss in the hands of an inspired Hygiene Officer.
Remember Fred Saberhagen’s Book of Swords books?
When I first read them, I was irritated because the books weren’t really about the characters in the books but were the stories of these epic-level artifacts and how these artifacts had an impact on the world (and how they pretty much outlasted all of the characters that I liked).
Looking back now, I’m taken aback at how brilliant that is.
Yes, though I don’t recall that bothering me much. You’re talking about the second series, right? The characters that only showed up in one of the eight books? IIRC, the first series had a pretty consistent cast.
Did you ever read The Empire of the East, the precursor series? Apparently it’s back in print now, though I tried to track down a copy for years before half.com eventually rendered the task trivial.
I’m very proud of my Unusual Larrikin Robin and the Strange Rocket Launcher I’ve leveled up to Epic – nicknamed ‘Davey Crocket’ in TF2. Just 1200 or so more kills to Australian.
I can’t remember much specific from my tabletop days – our regular DM was the kind that handed out a lot of fancy stuff and then found ways for you to lose it, so we always had something fancy but we went through them pretty quickly.
I think do recall playing Archangel and possessing the Sword of Dominic – that was one of my better role-playing characters but it annoyed the bejeezus out of everyone else because my character was a super pedantic goody two-shoes.
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I admit it. I am torn.
About what, this is undoubtedly one of the greatest spam comments I’ve ever seen.