Jaybird
Jaybird is Birdmojo on Xbox Live and Jaybirdmojo on Playstation's network. He's been playing consoles since the Atari 2600 and it was Zork that taught him how to touch-type. If you've got a song for Wednesday, a commercial for Saturday, a recommendation for Tuesday, an essay for Monday, or, heck, just a handful a questions, fire off an email to AskJaybird-at-gmail.com
For the record: I rewrote this post about a dozen times.
I’m glad to see that you fleshed it out some.
The ellipses really makes it zing.
I’m new here; what am I missing?
Welcome to Mindless Diversions!
Here’s the general schedule:
Wednesday is the day that you really need to show up. We talk about music and listen to one of my favorite songs (and I have a *LOT* of favorite songs). Thursdays are dedicated to our discussions of our reading through the Sandman comics. (You’ve picked a good time to show up, we’re only on issue #11 by this point, plenty of time to catch up!!!) Fridays are dedicated to our post about our plans for the weekend whether they be holy cow awesome or merely sitting on the couch and doing laundry. Friday nights are usually a short essay talking about what’s coming up with Sandman but, sometimes, whatever catches my fancy. Saturdays have a “classic” (whatever that means) commercial and an open-thread for video games. Sundays are an open thread for television shows, movies, or books. Mondays are the day dedicated to The Essay Of The Week be it about video games, movies, comics, social events, whatever. Tuesdays are dedicated to our Other Bookclub, where we are watching Fringe (we’re in the middle of Season Three… this week, we’re watching the episode 6955 kHz).
When we’re between bookclubs, we discuss various things like recommendations for stuff we stumble across that are *AWESOME* and you need to partake in.
The general philosophy of the site is “No Philosophy, No Religion, No Politics”. Now, of course, one cannot *ALWAYS* follow such strident rules. We discuss aesthetics non-stop, after all. But the general idea is that we’re trying to have our disagreements be more of the “Star Wars vs. Star Trek” or “Marvel vs. DC” kinds of disagreements rather than the “Moral Good vs. Moral Evil” kinds of disagreements.
“Now”, you may say as you flit through a handful of the archives, “aren’t most Monday essays of the 500 word model? If not the 1000 word model???”
Yes.
Yes, they are.
I found that 1000 words did not suffice for what I was shooting for this week. I could only resort to five. One hopes, however, that this essay inspires comments on the part of the commentariat.
Because, to be perfectly honest, the *COMMENTS* are the real reason to show up here.
(I had a wild fancy that this particular essay would inspire all kinds of comments… from the “if that happened to me…” to the “when that happened to me…” to the “I was the Ex that friended…” kinda comments and we’d have a downright barfight. We’ll see, I guess.)
Oh, I should also point out, any given day on that schedule can be bumped by a guest post on the same topic and, if you’ve got a hankering to just write a “No Philosophy, No Religion, No Politics” kinda post of your own that you feel is Mindless Diversionary, email it and I will post it here and we can hammer it out in the comments (which are, I say again, the reason to show up).
Aaaaaand? Must have been awkward if it’s worth mentioning.
Well, I immediately called Maribou.
“The Ex friended me.”
“Okay.”
“Can I friend her back?”
“Of course.”
I looooove that you called your wife right away, awesome.
I’m friends with all of my exes on Facebook. Whether they like it or not, who knows. We all post pictures of our kids and crap about our lives. Whatever, it’s Facebook. No one takes (or should take) Facebook seriously. I was once mildly interested in one of my ex’s goings on. Least interesting thing I ever wasted 10 minutes doing.
Allow me to provide additional clarification: This is not “an” ex. This is “The” Ex.
If it were merely “hey, remember me?”, we’d be fine and dandy and I’d refriend without thinking about it and without feeling like I’d have to ask.
We’re talking about one of the Linchpins.
I’m in the process of creating a whopper an ex. Perhaps he will be forever known as “the” ex. I could only be so lucky. We are not and hopefully we will never be friends in Facebook.
The Ex friended me a couple of years ago. I also told the wife right away but I didn’t friend her back. I just didn’t want her to start thinking it was okay to resume chatting privelages. Some things are best left in the past.
So that weirds you out? I can relate.
I have an ex out there. Somewhere. This girl I married the summer I turned 21 and she was 18. We were each other’s cherries; never been “with” anyone else. She started cheating on me four months into the marriage and I discovered it a couple months later. Divorced soon after and haven’t seen or spoken to her in like thirty years or so.
Not sure if thirty years is long enough yet…
Have you googled her? Looked her up in the facebook?
No. Not really that interested. And I kind of doubt she’s the kind who would be online anyway, and what the hell would her last name be now? Did she re-marry?
I hope she did and I sincerely hope she found the happiness she obviously didn’t get from our marriage.
Only clue I have on her is that my daughter’s boyfriend (who I can barely stand) claims to have met her son in the county jail (hence one reason I can’t stand him) and says she (or at least a woman he assumes is her) came to bail him out. Says she was a fat, nasty piece of work with a bad disposition. I can imagine her aging that way. On the other hand, she was bailing her son out of jail so her mood would have been predictably foul. All that’s assuming it was actually her, which I can’t verify. And don’t really care that much.
I’m more curious about her sister who, circa 1980-ish, decided she was a lesbian and moved to Oregon. That was still a big deal in 1980. Maybe she can move to Washington now and get married. That would be cool.
It’s funny how things work out, sometimes.
That’s not the best part. After I discovered the infidelity we went to counseling and actually sorta tried to keep it together for almost a year. During that time I developed a relationship with her best friend. A very close relationship. She actually caught us in the sack once.
That friend? My wife now of almost 28 years.
Sometimes it’s hilarious how things work out, sometimes.
dun…
Dun…
DUUUUUUUUN……?
I stay as distant as possible from The Ex. And I have no intentions to change that, unless I suppose I’m really wondering what the wall behind my computer looks like.
I don’t have any exes (exii?) so I always view these tidbits from those who do with enormous voryeuristic fascination.
It’s always weird seeing how two people can go from making promises of the moon to each other to freaking out when you see the person and having to call someone if you interact online. Even after a couple of decades.
I realize, now, that we didn’t know each other but merely had exceptionally compatible saliva.
The world works in such a way that saliva can do a lot of heavy lifting when you’re not old enough to be interesting yet.
The Ex for me was the one that I was sure I would marry. Two years after we broke up I was still sure and made a fool of myself with her many times. When I met my wife it was like a fog cleared and I suddenly saw that dysfunctional relationship with The Ex in all its ugly realness and never looked back. The sense of embarrassment was tremendous. Part of the reason I avoid her today.
I was gonna say something but my story would be pretty much what Mike just said word for word.
I’ve got just about every serious ex- on my friends list, except that one. I am sorta curious as to how/what she’s doing but not enough that I’d ever choose to get in contact with her again.
For me the timing was perfect. After two years of pleading I had finally wore The Ex down and she was just about to give me one more shot. The universe smiled on me and I met my wife at exactly that time. After our first date I told The Ex no thanks afterall. Six months later I was engaged. Sometimes I think about what if the timing had been off by just a few days. That makes me feel like I dodged a bullet.
I can’t believe how much of the universe is “timing”.
If I wasn’t home for that one phone call that one day…
Alas, my story diverges significantly from yours there. I mostly wandered the desert for about 5 years before embarking on an extremely ill-advised affair that, moral/ethical issues aside, did help me return to the land of the datable.
A few years later I took a job out of state, met Mrs. P., and here we are (5 year annivesrary today, btw).
Happy anniversary (sorry to be a day late)!
I do not have any exii of the type this post is talking about; I’ve only dated one guy and it ended completely amicably (more ‘falling apart’ than ‘breaking up’); we’re still Facebook friends, but I don’t use Facebook often and we haven’t communicated in a while.
Due to my lack of familiarity with romantic relationships, reading about other people’s is useful for getting an understanding of how this kind of thing works.
Last night, I walked in on Maribou watching Gilmore Girls and it was the episode where Rory was on her first date with that guy at Yale. Rory told the story about how they did a test on the mints in a bowl by the register and, since most people don’t wash their hands, the tests showed that the bowl was full of urine mints.
Rory immediately regretted having told that story.
Maribou and I discussed how there are people to whom you can tell that story and people to whom you cannot and if you are one of the people inclined to tell that story, it’s best to get that story out there on the first date.
Amen to that one, brother.
I am the kind of person who would tell that sort of story, and would almost certainly get it out of the way on the first date.
I am incredibly happy not to be dating any longer.
I am incredibly happy not to be dating any longer.
Amen to that one, brother.
So, when does our GG bookclub start?
If you write ’em, I’ll post ’em.
I can’t promise to comment on ’em.
Me and “The Ex” had some run-ins early in my relationship with Zazzy. I inadvertently caused a bit of drama for her that needed to be straightened out via a face-to-face meeting. We also were both guests at the same wedding. That was awkward because my plan was to avoid initiating contact but remain polite and cordial otherwise; what happened was she approached me while I was waiting in line for the bathroom. I was on the verge of wetting myself and did not see her approach. I turned to make a run for the auxiliary bathroom, basically bumped into her, said, “Hey!” and literally ran off. My hunch is she saw me literally run away from her and that was that.
No attempts have been made to “friend” one another; I actually unfriended her a while back. LinkedIn often asks if I’d like to connect with her. I don’t anticipate her ever attempting to connect.
I have random contact here and there with a few other exes, but there is only one “The Ex”.
One of the advantages of being Air Force during my twenties is that I’ve achieved a fair amount of geographical separation from all of my exes which severely curbs the possibility of a face-to-face run-in. I don’t really have a “The Ex,” but there’s always the possibility that I am “The Ex” to someone else. The only ex I’m friends with on the facebook is the girl I dated in high school, but we don’t have a lot of interaction.
Huh. I don’t really have a The Ex, which is something I’ve never thought of as being particularly unusual. Reading all of these threads, I’m now starting to wonder.
There are a lot of things that go into the creation of a The Ex.
For mine, I had originally thought that “she messed up my life!” (which is a gross overstatement, though it did not feel like one at the time) but, looking back, I realize that I was not a good boyfriend.
I have moved from anger, to depression, to anger, to depression, and to anger so many times… that now I just feel bad about the whole thing. She made me a better person in the whole “that which does not kill you” sense of the word. I suppose she made me a better person in the whole “try to be a good person” sense of the word.
And I’ve moved from resenting her to just thinking about all of the things I screwed up and wishing I could apologize for them and thanking her for several very nice days.
And having no idea how.
My ex was my first real love (I had said that word to girls before but didn’t even know what it meant). We were not a good match, but many of our differences were hidden by the fact we were still in college. When we graduated and entered the real world and starting being real people with real problems, things quickly fell apart. She was not a bad person, but was not a good person either. That didn’t stop me from pining over her after the breakup, even though I was actually the one who broke it off because it was clear that I wasn’t going to get my needs met. It was also a tricky time because so much was changing and I was trying to cling on what we once were or what I had romanticized us to having been. We still screwed around and went through the, “You’re still my best friend!” “No I really fucking hate you!” two-steps. I tried to date other people, including her best friend (oops) and eventually gave up on the whole enterprise and decided to move to NYC, the city she lived in but also my “home” city. Of course, 6 weeks before leaving I meet Zazzy, who herself was on her way out of town but down to DC and the rest, as they say, is history.
The Ex will always hold a unique role in a “first cut is the deepest” kind of way.
Zazzy never dated before me. Lucky. When staying with a colleague during the hurricane, she was mystified when we started telling tales of Google explorations for ex’s gone wrong (our host, who is our age, had just learned that her ex-husband is remarried with two kids… a mere 3 years after their divorce was finalized). “Why would anyone do that?” We didn’t even know where to begin.
Not that interested… but I have occasionally been bored enough to look for “people I knew in college…”
Nothing like coming across a guy talking about shaving his legs and hormone therapy…
(I felt really awkward, as if he should have had the right to tell me himself, and like I was intruding, even though the post was quite public. My husband says I’m silly, and that most transsexuals are somewhat exhibitionist (not in a sexual way), so I shouldn’t feel bad…)
We still screwed around and went through the, “You’re still my best friend!” “No I really fucking hate you!” two-steps.
You know, now that I think about it…I’ve never done that. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever even had a fight with a girlfriend. I mean, sometimes they get in a mood and try to start stuff, but I just shrug it off, and they come around.
This was all post breakup. We’d talk every night and wonder why we couldn’t make it work. Then we’d have a blow up and not talk for a month.
I’ve had blowups in the relationship. I think it is pretty normal, honesty. When they happen, my primary goal is to stay on the topic at hand. “I hate how you fold laundry!” is one thing. “I hate your fat thighs and ugly face and think you’re stupid because you folded my shirt wrong” is quite another.
All I have to say is that I am crazy pissed off at myself for missing the Sandman discussion up until now!!!!
I will be paying more attention henceforth.
The posts themselves are titled “Somniloquy!” and the meta-posts are titled “Somnology!”
I should also like to note that, for the last month or so, your hands have been kinda full.
I have a weird amalgam of Exes. It’s like all the terribleness you can imagine of the worst possible relationship I broke into a half-dozen pieces and then distributed it among all of ’em. Most of that terribleness was either my fault or nobody’s. But since it was all broken up, most of my Ex relationships aren’t really that bad.
It helps that the of the six women that I was hung up on the most during my life, five of them were, in retrospect, not *at all* good matches for me and the sixth is the one I married and she’s also the one I’m most hung up on, so that all worked out. I’m friends with two of the five and I occasionally google another because she was a singer and I loved her stuff, so I like to occasionally see what she is on about. The other two are out there somewhere but there was a finality that was neither good nor bad, just a finality so I don’t feel too curious about what they’re up to.
Like Rory, I will tell stories about urine mints. Unlike Rory, it wouldn’t occur to me to be mortified about telling the story, because hey, that’s an interesting story! Why wouldn’t you tell that story? Why would someone feel weird about me telling them that story on a date? Why would I want to date someone who felt weird about me telling them that story?
Humans are weird.
That’s a good point. Could Maribou have been “The” Ex bumping the previous “The” to “an” status?
Um… I plead the fifth.
That said, I look back on my life and I find that Maribou is someone that I can tell my thoughts to, urine-related or not, and I don’t know that The Ex is someone that I could do that to. Being with her was like Mindless Diversions For Real: No Philosophy, No Religion, No Politics.
Except it wasn’t fun.
And now I’m listening to Dire Straits’ Romeo and Juliet.
Well, great. Just fishin’ great. Now I have to fight the urge to Google various exes.
Thanks for nothing, comment thread!!
I have a very limited number of real exes, so to some extent, they all classify as “The Ex.” My relationships, from the time I was in High School, have either been either very short or very long. The short ones were the type that lasted a week or two before we realized things were not going anywhere, and we split amicably, no harm, no foul. The long ones (three of them) were the type that lasted for years. When they ended it was a huge deal, often with plenty of hurt feelings on both sides. However, ultimately I manage to remain on good terms with all of those exes (after a cooling off period). We do not talk regularly, or anything like that, but we manage to maintain civil relationships with no bitterness or anger.