Yet another awesome headline:
Killer Ukrainian dolphins on the loose
And the story does not disappoint:
These dolphins have been trained to “attack enemy combat swimmers using special knives or pistols fixed to their heads.” So if you are planning a family holiday to the Black Sea this week, I think it’s best you avoid any “friendly” dolphins that might approach – especially if they have KNIVES or PISTOLS strapped to their heads.
The best part is that the author, Justin Gregg, isn’t a wild-eyed internet loony: he’s a professional dolphin researcher, and it’s all entirely true.
That is AWESOME.
Only one thing can stop them:
http://youtu.be/-v7k6-eEBrk
First as tragedy, then as farce. Hoo boy
“Mister President, we cannot allow a dolphin gap!”
And of course:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/dolphins-evolve-opposable-thumbs,284/
Uh, we’re… still trying to figure out the meaning of that last phrase, sir.
There’s nothing to figure out, General Turgidson. This dolphin is obviously a psychotic.
Glyph totally beat me to it.
FWIW, the US Navy has some trained dolphins it uses, too.
dolphins are already the viciously amoral gang rapists of the sea, so giving them weapons was only sensible.
Next, they need Twitter access.
and now we need to discuss sea lions, the males without harems are pedophiles.
As long as it’s not a balisong, I suppose it’s ok.
A bolo or sabre seems like a much more appropriate blade for a dolphin.