You may or may not know that Twix currently has an ad campaign where they explain how the Right Twix candy bar and the Left Twix candy bar are made by two different companies.
The general idea is that you should “try both and pick a side”. At their website, you can even tell them which side you prefer.
So I wrote them asking how I could buy a pack with two Right Twix.
They wrote me back:
Dear Jay:
Thank you for your email.
Our Marketing Staff is continually working on new ideas. Although we cannot say what they are, we hope you will continue to watch and enjoy!
Have a great day!
Your Friends at Mars Chocolate North America
I haven’t been this let down since I got a form letter thanking me for my email when I wrote Starburst asking them why they replaced “Lime” with “Cherry”.
Seriously, you’d think after they went to all that trouble to put together a narrative and even a website, they’d be able to deal with the inevitable customer response.
Wow you have friends at mars co….very cool. I wish i had friends like that.
this only confirms for me why i never watch commercials, mute and fast forward are my little friends i say “hello” with. let scarface have his guns.
I can see a lot of ways in which is a terrible idea for an ad campaign.
I can see it being vaguely offensive to Lefties out there. Not that they’re a protected group or anything but, seriously, you want *MORE* people to buy your candy, not think “nah, I prefer to give my money to people who don’t make fun of how I write with a hook.”
Growing up, I remember always reading the part of the packaging that said, “If for any reason you are unsatisfied with this product, please call 1-800-123-4567.” I was always tempted to call and say, “The bag is empty. This is deeply unsatisfying.” I never did.
Dude. You should.
They have people there JUST FOR THAT PURPOSE.
While on the line, ask the guy how often the people who call him are stoned.
I just might. Given the recent run I’ve had with customer service, I might luck into a lifetime supply.
On a semi-related note, one of my favorite Mitch Hedberg jokes went as follows, “Man, I just can’t wait until this set is over… I’ve got a roll of Life Savers in my pocket and pineapple is next.” There was just enough of a pause in there that you thought he might be upset with the audience or how he was doing or something of the like.
Gene Weingarten of the Washington Post does a recurring column on calling customer service hotlines
http://articles.washingtonpost.com/2013-02-20/lifestyle/37235552_1_peanut-butter-crackers-roxanne-amanda
(that was not one of the best)
Tell them you are a moderate, and you don’t want either the left OR the right Twix.
You want the Twix that is ‘twixt the Twix.
(no politics nor jokes about how half a candy bar is better than none).
I prefer my candy bipartisan. That’s why I eat Snickers… it’s got a part that is soft and mushy and a part that is completely nuts.
I was thinking that something like “we’re way ahead of you, sir! Please open your Twix(tm) and place it on the table before you. Remove the Right Twix and eat it. Now flip the bag over. Tah-dah! A second Right Twix! We hope you enjoy our candy and keep buying it forever. Your Friends, etc.” would be a good response to the Real Wiseguys out there who write stuff like that.
BUT NO!
After I win the lottery, I’m going to somehow force my way into the ad companies out there and make sure that they hammer this crap out *BEFOREHAND*.
Reminds me of this:
“I had to return this product because it is only for bananas that curve to the right and I can only find bananas that curve to the left.”
Did you at least get some coupons out of the deal?
You see the entirety of their response above.
Cherry. The most overrated fruit.
(No Politics)
Nu. Thou has surely not tried the sour cherry, a most underrated fruit.
God, I think these commercials are some of the stupidest around.
It would have been awesome if they’d written that they can’t help you because of ongoing litigation with the Morgenstern estate.