Vladimir Putin denies stealing Robert Kraft’s Super Bowl Ring
“I took out the ring and showed it to [Putin], and he put it on and he goes, ‘I can kill someone with this ring,'” Kraft told the crowd, according to the New York Post. “I put my hand out and he put it in his pocket, and three KGB guys got around him and walked out.”
You realize that this means war.
Hmmm…
Putin is Russian.
The Nets are owned by a Russian.
Nets rhymes with Jets AND the two teams play in close proximity.
The Jets hate the Patriots.
Rex Ryan is a pinko.
Why else would Ryan diss Tim “Real American” Tebow?
You know, I think I’d just go to my coach and talk about how I might replace the one that Putin borrowed.
Kraft owns the team.
In that case I’d probably already know how to replace the ring.
What is he hoping for? “Give me my ring back!” “Do you have videotape of me stealing it?” “Actually, yes I do.” and then you wake up giving your best Litvinenko impression.
That’s nothing. Putin ate my homework.
This is a hard one to adjudicate, since it features two totally unreliable witnesses. But I want to believe Kraft because I love the idea of Vladdy Putin and the Ring of Power.
Did you notice that Kraft thinks Putin is the leader of the Soviet Union?
I consider Putin some sort of super-villain that I blame for all my troubles; he’s like The Opposite Of Chuck Norris.
Car won’t start? Putin drained the battery.
Do you want to start a war? You gave him those electrons as a gift.
[shakes fist at sky]
PUUUUUUTIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNN!!!!
he put it in his pocket, and three KGB guys got around him and walked out.”
Also, never hand anything small, portable and valuable to a guy who is wearing clothing with pockets and is named “Put In”. What did he think would happen?
The man was born to be a Bond villain, and I consider it a major flaw of the Daniel Craig Bond films that none of them has included a thinly-disguised expy of him as the bad guy.
Putin didn’t steal the ring. The ring wanted to secede, and Putin provided support.