Run That Baby!

Patrick 5 Comments

I’ve posted about this before at my old blog, but I’m feeling nostalgic for the old days…

Best advertising copy for an RPG, ever!

… STAY ALERT!… TRUST NO ONE!…
… KEEP YOUR LASER HANDY!…

PARANOIA
PARANOIA
PARANOIA

SERVE THE COMPUTER. THE COMPUTER IS YOUR FRIEND!

The Computer wants you to be happy. If you are not happy, you may be
used as reactor shielding.
The Computer is crazy. The Computer is happy. The Computer will help
you become happy. This will drive you crazy.

Being a citizen of Alpha Complex is fun. The Computer says so, and
The Computer is your friend.

Rooting out traitors will make you happy. The Computer tells you so.
Can you doubt The Computer?

Being a Troubleshooter is fun. The Computer tells you so. Of course
The Computer is right.

Troubleshooters get shot at, stabbed, incinerated, stapled, mangled,
poisoned, blown to bits, and occasionally accidentally executed. This
is so much fun that many Troubleshooters go crazy. You will be
working with many Troubleshooters. All of them carry lasers.

Aren’t you glad you have a laser? Won’t this be fun?

There are many traitors in Alpha Complex. There are many happy
citizens in Alpha Complex. Most of the happy citizens are crazy. It
is hard to say which is more dangerous – traitors or happy
citizens. Watch out for both of them.

The life of a Troubleshooter is full of surprises.

Stay alert! Trust no one! Keep your laser handy!

Patrick

Patrick is a mid-40 year old geek with an undergraduate degree in mathematics and a master's degree in Information Systems. Nothing he says here has anything to do with the official position of his employer or any other institution.

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5 Comments

  3. Paranoia was, hands down, not even a contest, the most fun RPG I ever played. It was also the funniest rulebook I ever read, both for the copy and for the pictures. Every Troubleshooter on the squad has a special role. Mission Leader. Communications Officer. Loyalty Officer. And the best and most powerful one of all, Hygiene Officer.

    GM: What are you doing, Where-R-YOU?
    Player 1: I’ll shot my laser gun at the evil commie traitorbot!
    GM: And you, Dang-R-MWS?
    Player 2: Okay, where’s the traitorbot in the hallway? Is it near the big box labeled ‘DANGEROUS, HIGHLY EXPLOSIVE?
    GM: What about you, Sam-O-VAR?
    Player 3: I’m going to instruct Wher-R-YOU on the importance of flossing!
    GM: [Laughs, turns to Wher-R-YOU.] You’ll have a -15 on your to hit roll because you’re distracted by the dental hygiene lecture. Go.
    Player 1: You’re kidding. [Rolls.] Oh, damnit!
    GM: Looks like you shot Dang-R-MWS. Roll your damage.
    Player 2: Hey! You didn’t even tell me where the traitorbot was!
    GM: Yes, the traitorbot is right next to the high explosives.
    Player 2: Score! I shoot at the high explosives!
    GM: Too late. Your own teammate just shot you. Take 8 hit points.
    Player 2: [To Player 1] Traitor!
    Player 3: I’m going to find the nearest computer monitor! Friend Computer! This is Hygiene Officer Sam-O-VAR! Communications Officer Wher-R-YOU has turned commie! Request further instructions!
    Player 1: Hey, what about that evil traitorbot?
    GM: Oh, it’s long gone. The Computer announces: “Attention citizens! Troubleshooter Wher-R-YOU is a traitor! Report any sighting of Wher-R-YOU to IntSec upon contact! Stay alert and keep your laser handy! Loyal Citizen Sam-O-VAR is promoted to security clearance Yellow!”
    Player 2: I shoot Wher-R-YOU.
    Player 3: Me too.
    Player 1: Hey, what just happened?

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