Today is Wrestlemania Sunday!
Tons of Funk (w/ the Funkadactyls) will be taking on Team Rhodes Scholars (w/ the Bellas) and this could have been awesome but, instead, it will be dumb. Since we’re opening with this, we’re going to have energy be high by having The Funkasaurus get the win and we’re going to be dancing approximately forever. Somebody call my mama!
Chris Jericho vs. Fandango will have everyone scratching their heads because Fandango will win and we’ll all be saying something to the effect of “why in the hell are they making a “dancing with the stars” gimmick-themed wrestler? We will hear “You Can’t Wrestle” chants during this match even though that is really, really unfair. Fandango didn’t choose his dumb gimmick. He’s probably pretty dang competent. Of course, he’s going to spend half the match dancing.
EVEN THOUGH WE ALREADY DANCED.
Team Hell No vs. Ziggler and Big E. Team Hell No does not need the belts to get people to stand up and start dancing (EVEN THOUGH WE ALREADY DID THAT), Ziggler does and it’s just that simple. Zig-E gets the win.
Mark Henry vs. Ryback will see Ryback win pretty cleanly to make all of us forget the dumb jobs he did to CM Punk.
Randy Orton, Big Show, Seamus vs. The Shield. I’m thinking that we’re going to have the faces win, this is Wrestlemania after all, and The Shield spent the last year cheating… then again, look at the next three matches (which will all be won by the faces…) so let me flip this. They’re going to give this to The Shield and push them as “unstoppable” heels for the next while until they realize that the NWO sucked because WE NEVER GOT A REAL FINISH FOR ONE OF THEIR MATCHES. Anyway, stupid Shield.
Alberto Del Rio vs. Jack Swagger will have Alberto Del Rio win pretty handily, but the feud will continue. There’s too much weird animosity out there that has money to be wrung out of it to let this storyline die just yet (no politics).
HHH vs. Brock Lesnar will have HHH getting his win back and there’s no question about that. The only question is “will we ever see Lesnar again?”
CM Punk vs. Undertaker will have Undertaker continue the streak. This will be the match of the night, though. Count on it.
The Rock vs. John Cena will give Cena *HIS* win back and then Cena will go on to have the weirdest heel title reign that we’ve seen for a good, long while.
Oh, and I’m also reading In The First Circle.
So… what are you reading and/or watching?
Well, it was last night, but the Denver Nuggets. Top two scorers on the team were out of the game with injuries, so what do they do? Put up 132 points with 40 assists, and seven players in double figures. I lost track of how many different combinations of players Coach Karl put out there. Yes, I know it won’t get them too far in the playoffs — the NBA doesn’t like small-market teams with no superstars playing in the later rounds, dragging down the TV ratings, and the refs know who writes their paychecks. Still, for the time being it’s fun to watch.
Speaking of the NBA, it’s looking more and more like someone here — I’ve forgotten who — is going to owe me a beer. When the Lakers let Phil Jackson go, I said the team would fall apart in their first full season without Jackson. Whoever it was said they would be fine and continue going deep into the playoffs without a hiccup.
finished bioshock infinite.
“finished” “infinite”?
Better call Lionel Hutz.
So far: The Shield won (Big Show turned heel afterwards)
Mark Henry beat Ryback (?!?)
Team Hell No won it and it looks like there may have been some seeds sown for a feud between Big-E and Zigg.
Sign in the crowd: “If Fandango actually wrestles we riot”
Fandango won.
May the fates have mercy upon us.
Puff Daddy is beating the crap out of music.
Music never had a chance.
Scaramouche!
And any attempt to push Mark Henry will end up as most of them have — a real leg injury of some sort, and six months out of sight while he recovers. Powerlifting takes a cumulative toll on knees, and Mark’s carrying too much weight. He can’t reliably work the 250 or so nights per year demanded from the top stars.
Mark Henry, used right, is a *FANTASTIC* monster heel. You use him 5 months out of the year, push the crap out of him for four of those months, then have him lose to freakin’ everybody during the fifth. Put him on the shelf for the next half a year.
I thought that that was what they were going to do with him with Ryback.
Jack Swagger tapped out.
Holy Cow!!! That’s, like, the actual Living Colour singing CM Punk’s theme song. Like, live.
And they remain very, very good.
HOLY CRAP CM PUNK JUST SLAPPED UNDERTAKER OPEN HAND
HOLY CRAP CM PUNK JUMPED FROM THE TOP ROPE TO THE MEXICAN ANNOUNCE TABLE AND THE TABLE DID *NOT* BREAK
ouch ouch ouch ouch
HOLY CRAP CM PUNK KICKED OUT OF A TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER
Everyone in the room is saying “say something like ‘HOLY CRAP UNDERTAKER KICKED OUT'”
I’m telling them that I had the Undertaker to win.
Aaaaaaaand, the Undertaker is 21-0.
Quote about HHH vs. Lesnar: “this is like watching two walruses fight over a cow.”
Brock Lesnar yells “RETIRE!”, HHH slaps him across the face. Lesnar looks, for a single moment, like he’s forgotten that he’s in a wrestling ring. Huh. Maybe he’s finally learning how to act.
And HHH has defeated Brock Leslar with the pedigree on the steel stairs in the middle of the ring.
WHAT HAPPENED TO TEAM FUNK AND THE RHODES SCHOLARS??????
It was a good Wrestlemania, but no team funk and Fandango winning put a damper on it. Not sure what I would call the best match of the night Undertaker and CM Punk could definitely be it, though I thoughtThe Rock Cena was quite good too.
I took my stepson, who grew up in Fort Worth, to the Sharks-Stars game. The Sharks blew a two-goal lead to eventually lose in the shootout (is there a stupider way to determine the winner of a game? Jeez, just call it a fishing tie.) It’s the first time we’ve gone to anything together where a Texas team beat a Bay Area team, and it was in a sport he’s passionate about that I don’t really follow (“Why isn’t Jonathan Cheechoo playing?” “Because they traded him in 2009.”) , so win-not-really-lose, and I can still give him grief about the World Series.
This ain’t soccer. (But I’d prefer sudden death.)
And the Rock drops an F bomb.
And John Cena is your new WWE Champion.
The Rock was not going to work the shows, Cena will.
I am planning to watch a recording of Wrestlemania. I am a bit out of touch with the WWE. The last I watched was when Wrestlemania was in Orlando, and I was not even following it then.
I do not plan on watching the entire show. Aside from Undertaker/Punk and Rock/Cena, what are the must-watch matches?
Eh, just watch last year’s again. You’ll have more fun.
But those two matches were the matches to watch.
RR – How’d The Great Whiskey Experiment go?
I decided to postpone. I had some commitments on Sunday morning, and I did not have a driver. If I did not have Sunday commitments, riding home with a friend or staying out until I could drive would have been more of an option. As it was, the incentive to make a bad decision was higher. I decided to make the responsible decision while sober, and take that risk off of the table.
I am not sure when I will give it another try. The next weekend that my son goes to his mom’s is also my next board game day. That always leaves me pretty wiped, between cleaning house before the game, playing host during the game, and cleaning after everyone leaves.
Sunday night I watched the last episode of The Shield. It never stops depressing me. Made all the better by the fact that it all so logically flowed from the story that it didn’t feel like I was being emotionally manipulated for a particular reaction.
Depressed because the very worst of them gets off with a slap on the wrist? Or is that the episode where the really, really bad thing happens?
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Qhgpu trgf gur tvey, gubhtu!
Walton Goggins rules as Shane (and if you are not watching Justified, you should).
Regarding Vic – gvrf naq syhberfprag yvtugf naq fuhssyvat cncref npghnyyl frrzf yvxr n fcrpvny xvaq bs uryy, sbe n zna yvxr gung.
Sbe zr gbb, npghnyyl.
V pna bayl vzntvar ubj qvssvphyg Funar’f raq jnf sbe Tbttvaf. Uvf svefg jvsr xvyyrq urefrys.
Holy crap. That’s terrible.
What Glyph said. I had no idea.
That was no girl, that was his wife.
Well yes, in the realworld. But in Shieldverse, it was a woman he was actually successful with! (Albeit primarily by staying out of his own way.)
Noting that for Dutch successful means “He didn’t blow it before their first date”.
For Dutch, the colloquialism for “blowing it”, AKA “screwing the pooch”, should be renamed “strangling the cat”.
“Boy, he really strangled the cat with that one.”
We should adopt that here like we adopted “Space awesome.”
Also in honor of Dutch, when someone acts offensively superior we can measure how badly in dog turds.