Gum Should Not Taste Like Mustard

A few weeks ago, the Wife bought these sour candies that I absolutely love. I’m seriously addicted to Ice Breakers Fruit Sours. They’ve got an intense taste and are laced with these interesting-looking little flavor crystals. My favorite flavor is tangerine. Yes, they are very sour (“tart” would probably be a better word). They’re sugar-free and calorie-free, so I eat them until my mouth hurts like this girl’s does.

So yesterday, The Wife found a packet of the tangerine flavor candies on one side, and gum with the tangerine flavor crystals in them on the other. Oh, happy day! The gum comes in these little tiny globes, not in the traditional stick form one would normally expect gum to be sold as. The gum is also laced with the flavor crystals, and I was looking forward to a long-lasting, refreshing taste of intense sour but sweet tangerine flavor.

The experiment failed. For about one second, I had that wonderful tangerine flavor. Then, all the flavor crystals dissolved and there was nothing left but the gum. The sweetener leached out of the tiny little micro-ball of gum and left nothing but the textured, sticky stuff in my mouth. After about ten seconds, all the flavor was gone except for the gum itself, which tasted like mustard.

I’m not a big fan of mustard to begin with. I don’t put it on my hot dogs, bratwurst, or other sausages. I use mustard sparingly as a seasoning when I cook, both because I dislike the pungent taste that infiltrates the nostrils, and also because the intensity of mustard as a spice is quite strong – a little bit can completely dominate a sauce’s flavor. Now, maybe you like mustard. Good for you if you do. It’s a visually appealing condiment, I’ll grant you that. But you’ll have to concede one point, even if you are a mustard-lover:

Chewing gum should not taste like mustard. Ever.