Ten Commandments To Our Pets

1. People food is for people; if thou walketh upon four legs, thou shalt not partake.

2. Thou shalt come when a human calleth thee by thine name.

3. Thou shalt not do thine business within the house, unless it be within a litter box.

4. No beast that walketh on the ground upon four legs shall walketh upon the kitchen counters, for this is an abomination to humans.

5. Submitteth thou to the ritual of claw-clipping and neither harm nor obstruct the human who administers it; if ye do, ye shall be rewarded with a treat.

6. Thou shalt not scratch nor chew upon the furniture; nor the good window blinds.

7. Enter not the sacred sanctum of the people which be called the “master bedroom.”

8. Leave not the confines of thine territory; for cats this be the house and for dogs this be also the back yard but not the front.

9. Thou shalt not eat the food given by a human to any other beast but only thine own, nor shalt thou eat the contents of a litter box or any object; yea, satisfy thy mouth between meals instead upon the plentiful chew toys given to thee by the humans and rejoice in their bounty.

10. No tongue that licketh under thine own tail, or below the tail of any other beast, shall thereafter be used to kiss a human for any reason whatsoever, for this is an abomination.