Occasionally, I’d Do Something Right

Back in high school, I was online-approached by a guy named Vertigo for a favor. To say that Vertigo and I didn’t get along would be an understatement. He was a manipulative cretin. A bisexual one. My thoughts and experiences on homosexuality were a bit… muddled at that point. In theory, I was already on board with gay marriage, which was a radical concept in the 90’s. In person, I did not tend to get along with the people I knew that were gay or (more commonly, at the time) bisexual. So it was very strange for Vertigo to ask something from me.

As it turned out, he had made the online acquaintance of someone named Maury who attended my school and he was wondering if I might help Maury out. I had no idea who Maury was (4,000 people attended my school). With enough description, I remembered him as “that ROTC guy who kept getting those black eyes.” As it turned out he had been outed and left the ROTC and his former rotzee acquaintances were bullying him. So what did this have to do with me? Maury lost his social network and needed a friend. Why me? Because I was heterosexual, 6’3″, 250lbs, and had friends (including a few rotzees). His perception of my and my social standing was flawed, but I probably was better than nothing. Vertigo’s theory, and I believe it was correct, was that they kept on him because he was so alone.

Our friendship didn’t exactly thrive. He was painfully quiet. We didn’t have much in common. He was invited to our Breakfast Club (anyone who wanted to come was, more-or-less) but I think the thought scared him. But we coordinated our schedules and tried to drum up conversation in the hallways. My rotzee friends knew that we knew each other. He was pressed a couple of times while we were together, but it was easier for him to ignore them when he had someone to “talk to.” They seemed to move on. Maury made some more genuine friends. He stopped showing up by my locker at the end of each and every day. We lost touch.

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I am not overflowed with pride when I think of the above story. I didn’t throw myself in between the bully and the bullied. I didn’t confront the rotzees I knew and demand that they tell the rotzee bullies that they needed to cut it out and have respect and tolerance. I do think I did something right there. It so happens that the thing that has come up lately reminds me of a story where I did something right. The suicide of Tyler Clemmenti reminds me of something different.

You can scan through my past and find all sorts of times when I behaved miserably. Sometimes in ways that I would actually, if not defend, then try to put into context. I’ve got nothing on JH Griffin, but nor do most people. Good for him. Good for all of those who can say, unequivocally, I never acted the jerk when I was young! I can’t say that. I can say that I got some things right and other things wrong. Sometimes I did the right thing for the wrong reason, or the wrong thing with the best of intentions. I never did what Mitt Romney did, but as Niezsche said, “Verily I have often laughed at weaklings who thought themselves good because they had no claws.” It’s a good thing for all involved that when I was a youngun, I did not have much in the way of clawage.