So Here’s What I Want To Know

My automatic lawn sprinkler control device fritzed out this morning. It won’t turn off (there must be a power feed from somewhere I can’t control) and one of the gates stayed open for four hours, watering one portion of my lawn continuously for at least two hours.

So is Barack Obama going to fix that for me? Whaddya mean, no?

I’ve got some debt piled up on our credit cards left over from our trip to visit our families in Wisconsin. I haven’t paid it off in full in one month and you know, the interest is starting to pile up.

Is Joe Biden going to pay that off on my behalf? Come on, Joe, help a brother out. (And I mean that in an entirely race-neutral way.)

My car needs a new catalytic converter. You know what they make those things out of? Platinum, one of the most expensive metals on the planet. A new one will set me back something like fifteen hundred bucks and of course the car won’t pass a smog test and will make a funny rattling noise until it gets fixed. So what’s the government going to do to help me out? Nuthin’, that’s what.

Change, my ass. Change is what I’m hoping I have left over when all this crap gets fixed. Hope? I hope I’ll be able to get all this crap resolved and paid for before more comes up. That’s what I hope.

Burt Likko

Pseudonymous Portlander. Homebrewer. Atheist. Recovering litigator. Recovering Republican. Recovering Catholic. Recovering divorcé. Recovering Former Editor-in-Chief of Ordinary Times. House Likko's Words: Scite Verum. Colite Iusticia. Vivere Con Gaudium.