The problem of college students not knowing how to write complete sentences, or apparently having no idea what they are actually writing about, has become horrifyingly commonplace. When I taught classes and asked my students to write things — including when I taught a graduate-level class — with very rare exceptions, the results demonstrated shallow, perfunctory thought, an over-reliance on wikipedia, and profound inadequacies in written language skills.
Today I came across another dreadfully not-at-all-unusual example of this by way of FARK. Some favorites from this thirteenth grade teacher’s roster of really bad papers include:
• “Romeo and Juliet exchanged their vowels.”
• “Jogging on a woman’s ovaries can be dangerous to her health.”
• “Willie Loman put Biff on a petal stool.”
• “The children of lesbian couples receive as much neutering as those of other couples.”
• “Michaelangelo painted the ceiling of the Sixteenth Chapel.”
• “The French benefits of this job are good.”
• “Including snakes, most people consume six meals a day.”
• “Christopher Columbus sailed all over the world until he found Ohio.”
and the overall winner:
• “Benjamin Franklin discovered America while fling a kite.”
Now, some of this might be attributed to misuse of a spell-check function. For instance, “fling” is something that spell-check will not catch; as we all know, Ben Franklin was flying a kite when he discovered America.
People — it doesn’t matter how smart you are. If you can’t write, other people will think you’re an idiot.
I’m so embarrassed to admit, but during my 2nd year in grad school *cringe* while grading I once made the following comment on an undergrad’s paper: “It’s “worth your wild” not “worth your while”. *wince*I was dispassionately certain my take on the phrase was exactly so. The upside of that miscarriage of English *groan* is that once I learned of my mistake, I became more skeptical and conscious of my grammar.
>“Willie Loman put Biff on a petal stool.”I actually prefer this image to the overused cliche.Unfortunately, I fear it was unintentional.
I just ate a sad snake from Ohio and stay away from my ovaries or it’s off to the Sixteenth Chapel where you’ll enjoy French benefits while your vowels are neutered by Ben Franklin. Where’s my petal stool for my most excellent writing?
Dave, your story reminds me of a lawyer I know — a bright guy — who insists that defendants he sues have created a “shelf corporations.”