Here’s a reason people hate cops

So I’m appearing this morning in court here in Stinking Bakersfield.  No one at all is in line for the security screen behind me. There are two security guards and a Kern County sheriff’s deputy. I put my case file, phone, pens, wallet, and keys through the X-ray and go through the metal detector.  Which beeps, as I knew it would, since I am wearing suspenders.
“I’m sorry sir, but you’ll have to take off your suspenders. ” says the security guard.
“Kind of a pain to do that, don’t you think?” I say back.
“What? You just unsnap them.”
“No, mine are the button kind.” I show him. “Can’t you use the wand?”
“You’ll have to ask the deputy. He’s got the wand.”
So I turn to the deputy.  “It’s just suspenders. Can you wand me?”
“I’m not going to wand you just because you don’t want to take off your suspenders,” says the deputy, who then resumed his bored pacing.
So, I had to undo my suspenders right there in the entrance to the courthouse.  As I struggled out of them, a family of four was made to wait behind me while I reached around my ass to undo the buttons there.
Five people were inconvenienced and one of them ass humiliated and almost made late to court, because one cop couldn’t be bothered to use a tool HE WAS ALREADY HOLDING IN HIS HAND and which would have taken ten seconds to do.
I handled the appearance and lunch with the clients afterwards fine. But I was a seething cauldron of rage underneath it all, let me tell you.
Sent from my phone.

Burt Likko

Pseudonymous Portlander. Homebrewer. Atheist. Recovering litigator. Recovering Republican. Recovering Catholic. Recovering divorcé. Recovering Former Editor-in-Chief of Ordinary Times. House Likko's Words: Scite Verum. Colite Iusticia. Vivere Con Gaudium.


  1. I hear your frustration. But suspenders. I would have arrested you for such fashion terrorism.

  2. Aww come on Burt, they aint real cops, they're just TSA wannabees.Real cops would have tazed ya for your impertinence.

  3. To quote Smokey Robinson."I Second That Emotion"on the suspenders bit

  4. Geez. You know everytime I've been through a security screen at the airport I get an earful of apologies from the guys doing their thing. "Sorry for the delay, sir". Seriously, those guys should have had their supervisor talked to.

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