As Good A Time To Start As Any

There have been some stresses at work recently. Some unusual, some usual. Today’s stresses came on heavy. My paralegal commented that she had never, in the six years I’ve been at this law firm, seen me as angry as I was today at a particular client doing something particularly disreputable. Because of something I had no input in nor ability to control, in a case where I know I’ve done damn good work.

So I get home and The Wife is at the dentist. And I pour myself several fingers of Laphroaig and snack on some of those salted almonds when I realize — I’ve just started eating smoke-flavored nuts while drinking smoky scotch. I’m compensating for the fact that I don’t smoke. Nicotine in the blood and smoke in the mouth would be a better and more soothing balm to my stress than alcohol and salt. Alas, I’ve no smokes in the house and the last time I smoked a cigar I gagged like an amateur. And given that I’m now two fingers into the bitter nectar of Scotland, I’m probably best advised staying home and seeing this drinking thing all through as opposed to driving down to the C-store and getting myself a pack of smokes. Were I to walk I’d sober up and lose interest in the project.

But it’s hard not to recall the ten or so cigarettes I indulged in during law school — and how much pleasure they gave me.

Burt Likko

Pseudonymous Portlander. Homebrewer. Atheist. Recovering litigator. Recovering Republican. Recovering Catholic. Recovering divorcé. Recovering Former Editor-in-Chief of Ordinary Times. House Likko's Words: Scite Verum. Colite Iusticia. Vivere Con Gaudium.

18 Comments

    • Are there no Godly wonders it cannot work!
      Four fingers more after writing the OP, and I’m quite certain that the answer is “No, none; Scotch can work all manner of Godly wonders.” Ann I’m still an atheist but that’sh the damn turth.

    • Coworker Dave, who was a smoker for a million years, got one of these gadgets a few months ago and he’s happy as a clam with it. Hasn’t had a drag since.

      Significantly cheaper than smokes, too.

    • e-cigarettes, the nicotine patch for people who don’t actually want to quit smoking.

      • There are a lot of things to enjoy about smoking. There is the nicotine thing, sure… but there’s also the taste/smoke itself. There’s the hand thing. There’s the mouth thing. There’s the “playing with fire” thing.

        There are so many little pleasures tied up in a cigarette that just trying to address one of them will *necessarily* leave you frustrated.

        • Don’t forget the scent of the smoke, and the visual aesthetic of it curling upward. And, oh, man, rollingyour own cigarette just makes the experience even that much better. Now I’m just an occasional cigar guy, but back when I was a bike messenger, rolling a smoke and taking the first drag was like a religious ritual, a sacrament.

  1. Yes, Scotch certainly makes up for all the other things we Scots have inflicted on the world: haggis, bagpipes, golf, Rod Stewart, and skirts for men. All of which I like (well, I only sort of like haggis), but I was contaminated at birth.

    Anyway, you’re welcome.

    • I’ve barely mde any money in three years, but I’ve never seen that as sufficient reason to keep me completely away from good Scotch. (Madison has a bar with a half-price Scotch & Irish whiskey happy hour [up to $12/glass, which I realize does not get you near the top of the Scotch heap, but it gets the job done all the same].)

      I too prefer Lagavulin for its smoke and peat, though before I moved also-smoky-&-peaty Talisker made a very strong late run at my fickle attentions.

      Strangely enough, I detest the taste of cigarettes, though I can enjoy a cigar for like fifteen minutes before running out of stamina. I do love building, tending, and breathing in campfires, though, so again, I guess the smoke attraction remains unmysterious.

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