Game Day Burgers

Every once in a while, you come across people purporting to tell you all about the best burgers anywhere. I’m sure they’re all great. Here’s how you can make the best burger anywhere, at home, for a fraction of the costs of gourmet bistro prices and, per serving, even less than awesomely-advertised fast food. You will need:

• 2 lbs. freshly-ground beef, approx. 20% beef fat. No need to splurge on the super-lean sirloin or rib meat, what you want is fat.
• 1 large, fresh purple onion
• 4 strips smoked bacon
• Worchestershire sauce
• 2 tbsp. salt
• 2 tbsp. fresh-ground black pepper
• 1 tsp. paprika
• 1/2 tsp. cayenne pepper
• 1 tbsp. sugar
• 2 large cloves of fresh garlic, peeled and crushed
• 4 oz. bleu cheese
• 1 pound sharp cheddar cheese (note that this is generally better white to pale yellow in color as opposed to that nasty bright orange dye better suited to color traffic cones)

Fry the bacon. Cut the onion into thick segments. Combine the bacon (with some of the grease) and the onion in a food processor. Liquefy. Add to mixing bowl along with remaining ingredients and a dash of the Worchestershire sauce (other than the cheese). Knead until ingredients are well-combined. Shred cheeses, combining at mixture of 1 part bleu to 3 parts cheddar. Form meat into 1/4 lb. patties, about 1/2 inch thick. Cook on a hot grill, be mentally prepared for fire. When red juices start to appear on the top of the raw side, flip, and immediately top with grated cheese mixture. Remove from heat when cheese starts to melt, which won’t be long because of all the fat dripping into the grill.

Serve on fresh toasted rolls (I like Mexican-style tortas, a hearty and slightly sour approximation of brioche) with an assortment of toppings, like lettuce, mustard, mayo, ketchup, pickles, etc. on hand for diners to create as they prefer. Personally, I find I need no condiments with one of these babies. Tons of flavor built in to the patty. Hamblor shall be pleased.

Do I need to disclaim? Don’t eat like this every fishing day! Of course, you shouldn’t be making a habit out of burgers in the first place; burgers ought to be considered a luxury food, an indulgence, a special treat. I enjoyed these during what I predict will turn out to have been the best game of the year. So when you do have them, have good ones. Like mine. (Seriously, eat a fishing vegetable every once in a while, okay?)