The criteria for the game: the person must have been on an active roster of an NFL team at some point in the active season. On the IR list counts, on waivers counts only if the player was on a roster at some point this year, so David Garrard (for instance) could be on the list — but Mr. Garrard has far too prosaic a name to be included on the list. Even living in diverse Southern California as I do and encountering people with all sorts of names from all sorts of cultures, there are still some names floating around NFL rosters that make me look twice. My initial nominees for most unlikely names, intending no aspersions to any of the players thus named either as people or as performers:
- D’Qwell Jackson, Middle Linebacker, Cleveland Browns
- Jacquizz Rodgers, Running Back, Atlanta Falcons
- Richie Incognito, Guard, Miami Dolphins
- D’Brickashaw Ferguson, Tackle, New York Jets
- Guy Whimper, Outside Tackle, Jacksonville Jaguars
Fine players, all. Worked hard to get where they are and deserving of respect. Just names that make me look twice, is all I’m saying. I’m sure you can add more. At some point we’ll have enough and maybe reach a consensus about the most distinctive of all these players’ names.
BenJarvus Green-Ellis RB New England Patriots
Ochocinco? Too easy?
I guess so — although he did start out as Chad Johnson, which is not so terribly weird to us sorta-Anglo types.
The winner of all time HAS to be, “He Hate Me!” Remember that one?
If we’re going all time, then I’d say Ben Gay would have to be the winner. He Hate Me was an entirely self-given nickname, and was never an actual legal name AFAIK.
Okay, you’re technically correct, but it IS funny, no?
The all-powerful and terrible Space Emperor himself, Zoltan Mesko.
Sorry, forgot: Punter, New England Patriots (nee Michigan Wolverines)
Good one!
One of my favorite T-shirts of all time: http://mgostore.spreadshirt.com/zoltan-space-emperor-A1472765
Teddy Brewski? (ms?)
Not NFL,but how about NASCAR driver, Dick Trickle?
Let’s just blow this wide open!
Charol Shakeshaft, a professor and expert on sexual abuse of students. How about, Dr. Bonnie Beaver, Gynecologist. Les Plack, dentist. Joey Goodspeed, former running back, St. Louis Rams.
My NFL knowledge is shallow, but fortunately Google has given me quick access to other people’s hard work. Some of my favorites:
C.J. Ah You – DE – St. Louis Rams
Frostee Rucker – DE – Cincinnati Bengals
Tysson Poots – WR – Dallas Cowboys
Reggie Corner – CB – Buffalo Bills
Jethro Pugh? Dallas Cowboys, DT.
To expand a little to another sport (basketball), my favorites are:
Majestic Mapp, 1999 McDonalds All-American from Brooklyn who attended U. of Virginia.
God Shammgod, a guard with the Washington Wizards from a brief stint in 1997.
God’s Gift Achiuwa who plays forward at Erie Community College.
Chief Kickingstallionsims, a 7′, 1″ center at Alabama State.
I always wonder what their parents were thinking!
One thing my career has afforded is exposure to some truly jaw-dropping baby names. Sadly, HIPAA prevents my sharing any (though sometime I trot out some classics provided I have been plied with a decent martini first).
Since this is a sports-related thread, it seems relevant to note that I have encountered several babies who were named after a very popular cable sports network.
My mother, a former labor-and-delivery nurse, swears up and down that one of her new moms named her daughter “Placenta” because she heard it in the delivery room and didn’t know what it meant but thought it sounded nice.
There is a city in Orange County, California called Placentia.
@David Ryan–
David, absolutely beautiful and deeply expressive writing. I’m just floored.
My sincere and heartfelt condolences.
“When gripping grief the heart doth wound,
And doleful dumps the mind oppress;
Then Music with her silver sound
Shall quickly lend redress.”
Here is nothing less than sublime, beatific, tranquility. May solace soon find its way to your heart and soul.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pmf1JguBYA