The Batman vs. Darth Vader.

The way that I envision this is to have Darth Vader pretty much beat the crap out ofThe  Batman for the first fight. Bat smoke bombs tossed aside, one of those black containers lifted and thrown at The Batman, maybe missing… then a batarang stopped in midair, then thrown back at The Batman and stabs him in the side (like Jesus!), then another of those black containers and this one hits solidly. Darth Vader uses the Force to pick The Batman up and WHAM! into this wall, WHAM! into that wall. Bring him in close and then a good old fashioned Force Throw over a balcony.

Of course, some helpful group of Rebels catches The Batman and puts him in one of those floating tank thingies for him to heal.

Round two. Darth Vader expresses surprise that The Bat is still alive. He pulls out the red lightsaber. Opens with a the black container throw again… and the container stops in mid-air.

OF COURSE BRUCE WAYNE HAS FORCE POWERS. You knew he would. The Force flows through all living things, man!!! It’s just that Bruce never knew that that is what he had been using since Detective Comics #27!!! And you know what? The Force is strong in this one. The Batman throws the box back at Vader and Vader slices it in half with the lightsaber, and then the two halves go after him. And then the three then the four. The Batman throws a batarang again and pierces the hand holding the lightsaber. The lightsaber falls and The Batman picks it up via the Force and the full-page frame shows Batman holding Vader’s lightsaber.

Yeah, after that I don’t know what really happens because it’s not like you can give Vader to Arkham or hand him over to the Rebels or anything like that.

But that’s how I’d see that fight playing out.


Jaybird is Birdmojo on Xbox Live and Jaybirdmojo on Playstation's network. He's been playing consoles since the Atari 2600 and it was Zork that taught him how to touch-type. If you've got a song for Wednesday, a commercial for Saturday, a recommendation for Tuesday, an essay for Monday, or, heck, just a handful a questions, fire off an email to


  1. The story behind this particular post involves how our lab at work has a newlywed in it. We were asking him what he thought about being married now and whatnot and our conversations turned to the times that she is going to ask him “What are you thinking about?”

    We told him “She’s going to want to hear ‘I was thinking about us’ or maybe ‘I was considering a shell script that we are throwing together at work’ but never, never ever, ‘I was thinking about Batman.'”

    And that got me back to thinking about Batman and since I was thinking about Darth Vader the other day, I was thinking about who would win in a fight.

  2. Every “Batman gets his ass kicked only to come back later and win” story must include an appearance by at least one character who played Robin. It’s apparently a rule.

    • I see this as more of a “Legends of the Dark Knight” Elseworlds sort of story. (Has Robin showed up in LotDK? God, I hope not.)

  3. This reminds me of the Elseworlds where Batman became a Green Lantern and went rogue. They sent more GLs after him, only Batman was able to stop them because the rings respond to the person with the strongest will — and that was Batman.

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