Mike Schilling

Mike has been a software engineer far longer than he would like to admit. He has strong opinions on baseball, software, science fiction, comedy, contract bridge, and European history, any of which he's willing to share with almost no prompting whatsoever.


  1. This is an unanswerable mystery of life like whether God can create a rock so heavy that he can’t lift it himself.

    But Picard would win. he didn’t need hair piece and those running jump kicks of Kirk’s are to easy to avoid.

    • Ah, but don’t forget the two-handed karate chop. Plus I think that hair piece may have some moves of its own.

      Kirk in a landslide, people. The man is not afraid to cheat and fight dirty (Kobayashi Maru, anyone?) and if there is some bamboo and gravel, he will improvise a small bazooka of some kind.

  2. Picard, because he can enter your head. While Kirk is just an old has been lawyer

  3. Why on earth would they get into a fistfight?

  4. In a universe where the reverse head-butt works, Kirk wins.

    It’s established that this is the truth in the Star Trek Universe, so Kirk wins.

    • isn’t a reverse head-butt a butt-head. how does that help someone in a fight?

  5. Picard.

    He plays the piano; knows the quicker he gets the fight over, the less likely he’ll damage his digits.

  6. Kirk wins. Picard wins in a gunfight, but I think that’s a given.

  7. Maybe Picard could explain the moral superiority of not fighting to Kirk. Break off into a discussion of the importance of the Prime Directive.

    After Kirk slips into a coma, declare victory.

    • This would be the only way Picard wins.

      If it is a face to face fight, Kirk wins without breaking a sweat.

  8. Janeway in a surprise twist ending when she crushes them both under her churchbell-sized balls.

      • Yeah Sisko would win. He’s be like -bwa- “I’m an avatar for wormhole gods!” Picard and Kirk would be like “does not compute, Federation has evolved past such primitive religious impulses” *bluescreen-death*.

  9. I haven’t watched much Star Trek, but I know this, Shatner fights dirty. I pick Shatner in the 8th with a TKO.

    • and they had to stab him in the heart and that didn’t even kill him….he just smiled.

  10. It depends on what Kirk we’re talking about? Shatner Kirk? Reboot Kirk and also is this Star Trek Kirk and if so what age? TOS aged? Movie Aged? Picard comes pretty reliably in one flavor/age bur Kirk contains multitudes.

  11. My money is on Kirk because, as others have mentioned, he would fight dirty. I am also assuming this is Kirk from the series, not from the movies.

  12. It totally depends on how far into the episode the fist fight is.

    If it’s early, then Picard wins; Kirk gets a bloody lip.
    Then, some alien chick saves him Pocahontas-like just as Picard is about to roast him on a spit (reputedly a delicacy in French cuisine, mind you).
    Then Kirk beats on Picard a little bit before giving him a stern talking to, after which Picard realizes his presumptuousness in referring to his series as a “Star Trek.”

    Worf / Spock would be a better match-up, I’m thinking.
    But that one’s not really a fight.
    They just make it look like there’s about to be a fight right before they cut away to a commercial.
    After the commercial, one of them is teleported out.

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